Hey Güera

When I was a 19 year old twink I started to go tanning. Although I am half Pretto-Rican, my father's family for the most part (well, at least the ones I have seen) all had fair skin. I think there might have been one cousin with the dreaded nappy "Pretto-Rican" hair. Anyone who's been to Humboldt Park (or any Pretto-Rican ghetto) knows what I am talking about, lol. Anyhoo, I thought it would look nice to have a year round tan. I never was obsessed with it like some peope. No one ever mistook me for there leather luggage or new leather Gucci bag. Well, as the years went by I started to get lazy. I mean, if I am going to lay on my back for 20 minutes it should be for sex! Not to mention, as I was approaching my mid 20's I realized excessive UV exposure was going to give me wrinkles. Wrinkles make it hard for one to cling to his/her youth, unless you are the founder of Abercrombie & Fitch and like that creepy old/young look.........



So, to make a long story short I stopped tanning and began to rely only on my sunless tanning lotions for a subtle glow. Do you realize how brave that was of me? People applaud fucking Rosa Parks for not having given up her seat on the bus but I think i deserve more praise than her or anyone else for that matter. In the vain and shallow gay world being tanless is practically one of the seven deadly sins! I dare you to go to any gay bar in any city and you will see so many tragic white boys that have taken advantage of the various tanning salons to the point you have to wonder if this is the US or Nigeria. White skin is nowhere to be seen! Well, I was at the beach today looking a bit pastier than everyone else and it suddenly occurred to me this is a good thing. Being pale makes me special and unique. At those "Nigerian" gay bars I stand out in all of my fierceness and fabulousness! I guess if I am going to be a gay stereotype when it comes to music and clothes at least I can take pride in my rebellious stance against tanning! Wooo hooo! Go me!

Speaking of the beach.......um, I had no idea how cruisy the public bathrooms are. Now, I am all for casual sex but there is nothing sexy about a glory hole in a bathroom that smells like the Hershey squirts and looks as if it was a crime scene on several occasions. Ewwww. Needless to say I waited to pee until I got home.

And now that I am talking about such random things as cruisy bathrooms can I just say how annoying the Preacher Man on State Street is? I mean, if you are going to preach to strangers how they are going to burn in hell couldn't you at least do it outside of a store a bit more classier than fucking Old Navy. I'm sorry, but anyone trashy enough to shop at that welfare store can't even be saved by Jesus. Also, if you are going to randomly preach the "lord's word" on the street...at least do some research first! In one sentence this man tells people to "love thy neighbor". In his next breath he politely informs us homosexuals are evil sinners than shall burn in hell. Gee, thanks for all that love neighbor. Of course, he loses what little credibility he may have had by saying that. I mean, gay men will have no problem finding their way to heaven because we aren't afraid to ask for directions or look at a map like our straight counterparts. As for lesbians, shit, with all of their power tools they will fucking build a new entrance into heaven if they have to.

Tatuaje

I remember when I turned 18 I wanted to get a tatoo. My friend Reni had just gotten a fierce one on her leg and I wanted to be fierce like her too! I thought about several designs and possible body parts that they could adorn. I think I became more infatuated with the idea that I was old enough to legally modify my body than whether or not a tatoo was the right thing for me. Now keep in mind I turned 18 right around the time when the "Selena" movie was released in 1997. Can you believe I almost considered getting this put on my chest...



Um yeah. How unbelievably tacky. I thank my lucky stars Reni talked me out of that one! Since then a tatoo of something has always been on my mind but without any idea as to what sort of design I would like it hasn't been something I have bothered to pursue. Two things though recently changed this and now, 10 years after I almost got a Selena tatoo and joined the ranks of thousands of other greasy Tejano garbage collectors, I am toying with the idea once again.



When I was in New York I saw this hot Beefaroni guy with a nice little tatoo on the back of his neck. I loved it. Then, the other day when I was watching the Victoria Beckham special on TV I noticed that she too has a tatoo on the back of her neck. It suddenly occured to me that I want a tatoo in the same exact spot! Now I just need to decide on a design. Should I be super pretentious and get some sort of Chinese symbol that supposedly represents something "deep and profound" about the meaning of life? Or should I get something real cliche like a flower? Or perhaps something tacky like the name of my boyfriend who is currently serving time in a state correctional facility for first degree murder? Or maybe there is a new dead diva I could exploit since Selena is sooooo 1996? Is it too late to get an Aaliyah/Left Eye tatoo?

Hmmm....as I begin to ponder this I shall keep in mind there is no rush. Reni isn't here this time to stop me from making a horrible and permanent mistake!

MegaHappyTron

Today is my first day at work since returning from New York. Even though I am at work I am VERY happy because I officially only have one job to worry about. No more will I have to endure double shifts every other weekend and working extra holidays as my time at "St. Scary's" hospital is over with!

The past few days have been busy. I didn't realize how much shit I had to unpack. All of my new clothing purchases also prompted me to clean out my closet. I didn't throw anything away though. I have learned too many times in the past that when I discard a shirt or pair of pants I end up wanting to wear them 2 years later. When I wasn't packing though I was enjoying my time back in Chicago! Oh how I missed the Windy City!

On Wednesday I had dinner with RC (I think that would be our 4th date?) at an Italian restaurant in Boystown called Adesso. The food was ok but I wouldn't recommend it. Afterwards we got a drink at the new Halsted Bar & Grill. The place is fairly average BUT they have a video jukebox!!!! I have never seen one of those. Needless to say I made sure I had some Dannii Minogue and Hilary Duff music videos to entertain me while I drank my martini. Afterwards RC invited me over to watch the Victoria Beckham special on NBC that he had recorded on his TiVo! OMIGOD!!!!! I never was a big fan of "Posh Spice" but who would have known she is so fucking hilarious! NBC needs to give this woman her own tv show.....pronto! The bitch is fierce! My favorite was the blow up doll segment.....



Last night I went with Private Dancer to go see "Transformers". To be quite honest this wouldn't be a movie I would normally go see but he called me up and insisted I had to see it........cuz it was just that good! He was right. The story may have been a bit generic but the special effects alone made this movie very enjoyable. And was it just me or did Tyrese get fat? Hmm...I guess that's what happens to flop has been RnB singers, lol. Before the movie we ate at this amazing mexican/cuban restaurant in Andersonville, Ole Ole. Wow, now THAT was good food! After the moviewe went to Roscoes. Private Dancer won first place in the wet boxer contest so he then treated us with his prize money to more drinks at Circuit. I was a little hesistant because I normally can't stand Circuit's "La Noche Loca" (or as my one friend so fondly refers to it, "Beanfest") however it was actually good!

See...this is why I missed Chicago so much. Too much time away from home isn't always a good thing.

Do you got love for New York?

You know, I never did finish watching VH1's "I Love New York". Who did Shrek end up picking?

As for my trip to NYC, I confess I still have much love for the Big Apple. This was my second time visiting the city. It was nice because I had to spend less time familiarizing myself with my surroundings so I had more time to enjoy the places I remembered while venturing into new areas. I successfully avoided the tourist trap of Times Square. This was partly due to the fact I was smart enough to get a hotel away from that area in the Chelsea neighborhood. The Chelsea Savoy Hotel was just as nice as the Hilton I stayed at last year. Not to mention the room rates were half of what you would find in Times Square. I highly recommend it!

My trip did have a few mishaps......like when we missed our 6:30AM flight and were stuck at O' Hare for 12 hours! I will admit this is the one time my trademark of being fashionably late was not cute. Once in NYC my travel companion, Wanda, and I had lots of fun. I spent too much money though........and used my abused my credit cards like there was no tomorrow. I had the chance to see Xica both Friday and Sunday nights. Unfortunately neither night did I have my camera with me! Ooops! BUT I also met with another one of my east coast friends, Joe from Togerland! We met Saturday at the coolest diner called Vynl. The diner had a music theme going on and all over the place were display cases of barbie dolls made to look like famous musical acts. My favorite was the Destiny's Child one.....



oh, and the bathrooms were super fierce. Each one had the name of a diva on the door and when you went inside one of the artist's signature songs would begin to play. I had the pleasure of listening to Cher's "Believe" while I peed.



And finally.....after some food and drinks.....



Later on that night we headed to one of the big parties super producer/DJ Peter Rauhofer does every Saturday....



Um wow, I forgot how intense Saturday night in New York is. I swear the place was littered with so many hot porn stars I almost didn't want to leave! Speaking of porn, I love how there is porn on almost every corner in New York. I saw this guy on the cover of one DVD and I just knew I HAD to buy it. I have watched the movie three times now and let me tell you it was worht every penny. My cock thanks me.



I think a trip to New York will have to be an annual event. Next time though I think a 4 day trip will suffice. That is just enough time to buy fierce clothes and visit places like this....

50 Questions For You Nosey Bitches

I am back from New York but more on that later. Here is another "get to know me" list of questions I saw my friends on myspace doing so I thought I would post it here.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
My credit card bill. It is a constant reminder of my poor shopping habits.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Ping Pong

3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
Shit, I am still bitter I didn't lose it to my uncle when I was 12 like all of the other gay boys I know!

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I wouldn't have taken so much time off from school.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Miss Kulas. She always called me "Eddie Confetti"

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
I wouild love to be in the middle of a crystal meth induced 12 man sex orgy at Steamworks.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
It depended on what TV show I was watching at the moment. "I Dream Of Jeanie" made me want to be an astronaut. "Bewitched" made me want to be an architect. "Bosom Buddies" made me want to be a trannie.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
3

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It's what I slept in.

10. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
Not much really. I just try to drive more conservatively.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be and with who?
Puerto Rico but I am not saying with who.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
"I'll be damned if I see another chick on your arm" and then Irealized I am not Beyonce.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I'll unpack in the morning. Fuck this shit.

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Those C-in2 low rise briefs hold my jewels oh so nicely!

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
The post-sex clean up.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Of course.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep in!

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
He Man

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy?
Lick is arm pits.

21. Have you found real love yet?
Not yet!

22. When did you first start feeling old?
When I turned 25.

23. Favorite 80's movie?
Adventures In Babysitting

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
The fake soy stuff.

25. What do you get every time you go into Costco?
Eww...isn't that like one of those welfare stores?

.26. Beach or lake?
Beach!

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No- I think it needs to be taken more seriously.

28. Do you own property?
No

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
La Toya Jackson

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
Oh, everyone knows about the shitty movies I like.

31. What's your drink?
it used to be a Blue Motherfucker but now I prefer something simple like rum and cock. I mean rum and coke.

32. Cowboys or Indians?
Indians, they wear less clothing.

33. Cops or Robbers?
Whoever is cuter.

34. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
Dante!

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
N oradi ohere but I am listening to a fierce dance remix of "Love Stoned" by Justin Timberlake.

36. favorite body part to shave?
My balls.

37. skip to 38
?

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
I wish I could have been more in touch with my own emotions before trying to care about someone else.

39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
Sure. I don't hate them at least.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Dannii Minogue. And she would love it because I wouldn't bring up her crappy sister once!

41. Indoors or Outdoors?
Outdoors as long as there aren't too many bugs.

42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Just fender benders.

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
When you say "intended purpose" do you mean as a giant dildo to evoke mind blowing orgasms? Then yes, I have!

44. Last book you read for real?
Los Cien Golpes. I have read a bunch of text books though since then!

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
I don't like bears. They are too hairy.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
In the wilderness with Mountain Dew since there was no clean water.

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Sal's bedroom.

48. Do you go to church?
I'd go if I am guaranteed a hot priest that will touch my naughty parts.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Oh, I am ready for both!

50. Just how OLD are you?
21....Part 8.

New York Sicko

I feel like I just got back from Toronto and I am about to leave again for New York. Oh wait, I feel that way because I DID just get back and will be leaving again in two days, lol. As excited as I am to visit the Big Apple for the second time now I sort of wish I wasn't going. A certain fierce blogger friend of mine left a comment for me awhile back when I was initially discussing my pending vacation plans.

"When life's a vacation, you don't really need a vacation..."

You know, I didn't understand what he meant at first but now I do. I have been having such a good time in Chicago this summer that I really feel like I will be missing out on something while I am away. I guess vacations are only fun when that need to get away from a shitty daily routine can no longer be ignored. I also wish I was staying in Chicago because I just met a hot guy that I would rather spend some time with! LOL

I will admit that in real life, as well on my blog, I have been very vague as to what my dating life has been like since JQ (aka Private Dancer). Well, despite all that happened with him I can honestly say that chapter in my life did eventually have a happy ending.....or should I say a new beginning? Anyhoo, I forget sometimes how vague I can be about these things so I guess it's time for me to be a little more specific as to what my love life has been like these past few months. To be quite honest I really haven't been seriously dating anyone. There was my Brazilian hottie, Xica. We dated for awhile until he moved back to the east coast. I knew this would happen which is why I never really saw any potential with him. We have kept in touch though and hopefully I will see him when I go to NYC. After Xica there were a few random hook ups. The Abercrombie & Fitch hottie was definitely the most memorable. Yum! More recently though I have met a new guy....RC. Ironically he knows Private Dancer which is kind of how we met one night at a bar. However, it wasn't until I messaged RC on My Space that I get the ball rolling. That was the week before Pride so it took a few phone calls before we actually found time to meet up for lunch. Since then we have gone out two more times. I think for the most part I am a very good judge of character (I am also very dismissive when it comes to freaks!) so if a guy is good enough for a third date chances are he will be sticking around for awhile. Only time will tell I suppose!

Anyhoo, I mention RC because we went to see Michael Moore's latest film Sicko. This film covers the good, the bad and the ugly of our country's health system and the 50 million men, women and children who are uninsured. First of all I must say that I wasn't sure if I wanted to see this movie. I mean, it isn't exactly a romantic film you want to see with a hot guy. Second of all I am not a Michael Moore fan nor have I seen his other films. However the film did leave quite an impression on me. As a health care worker I can honestly say the film didn't exaggerate simply for shock value. If anything there were so many shady and corrupt things about our health system that he didn't discuss. The film also spent a great deal looking at the government funded health care systems of Canada, France, the United Kingdom, and Cuba. The take home message seemed to be if all of these other countries can make it a priority to provide health care for EVERYONE and not just those who can afford it, why can't the wealthiest nation on the planet do the same? I didn't know what to think when he seemed to suggest "we" (as in the American people) are selfish and don't care about the poor and whether or not they live or die. I don't think the general public feels this way. The fact that a national health system doesn't exist in the US has more to do with our misguided government.....the same government that seems to have also instilled the idea that government funded health care automatically equates to low quality health care. I suppose this would be the case without proper funding.

Well, I don't see a universal health care system happening anytime soon in the US. Poor people who can't afford health care will continue to do without it. Who cares really, poor people don't matter, right? People like me who are fortunate enough to have private health insurance will continue to live with the false sense of security that the insurance company will be there for me even during a serious health crisis like cancer..........until I realize those co-pays and deductibles easily add up to more than my annual income. Then there are people like Paris Hilton. They are the lucky ones. They have no false sense of security nor do they have to worry about not being able to afford quality care even during their sickest of times. And really, why should they have to pay more in taxes to cover the health costs of others. They have better things to do like write their fans letters from jail while serving time for DUI's.

Lucky them.

Potty Mouth

This past Friday morning I was a victim of a Potty Mouth. What is a Potty Mouth you ask? Well, it is one of those creepy and obnoxious individuals that feels the need to strike up a conversation while urinating or defecating in a public restroom.

I submitted my notice last week at work that I was quitting. I made two copies of this notice. One was for my immediate supervisor and the other was for my supervisor's supervisor, the laboratory medical director. Anyhoo, I rarely have any reason to talk to the medical director except for the occasional "hi, how are you". Well, since I announced my quitting I have run into him several times in the halls or in the main lab. Not once has he bothered to even acknowledge the fact I am quitting. I don't mind really. I just want to fucking quit and leave without any big fuss. I would prefer that people NOT make a big deal and ask me a million questions as to why I am quitting because that is fucking annoying. I am bitter enough as it is about the job, I really don't want to discuss it any further!

Anyhoo, on Friday morning as I was getting ready to pop a big pimple in the bathroom at work the medical director walked in and went to the urinal next to the sink where I was standing. At that point I was pissed because I so desperately wanted to pop the pimple and watch all of the pus squirt onto the mirror, but I didn't want to have an audience! So I washed my hands and was about to leave when all of the sudden I hear "So I hear you are leaving us".

Um, I wasn't sure how one responds in such a situation. I mean, here we have a morbidly obese man who is currently releasing the contents of his bladder into the urinal next to me attempting to ask me a serious question about my pending departure. I stuttered a "Um, yeah, um yeah something like that". I was hoping the obvious uncomfortable tone in my voice would have clearly tipped him off I wasn't eager to discuss this while he stood there with his pants unzipped and his wee-wee in his hand. Oh, but he continued to talk......and I continued to mumble random one worded responses as I slowly crept towards the exit.

Now tell me, WHY was that necessary? Why do Potty Mouths ignore the time when most normal people would initiate a conversation outside of a public restroom? I just don't understand it.

La Puerta

Many times in our lives a door closes behind us, leaving us to wonder "what if". I don't think there is anything wrong with looking back in the past and learning from prior mistakes and experiences. However, when we choose to live in the past we really aren't living at all. Everytime a door closes behind us there is a new one opening in front of us that is filled with so many new possibilities and opportunities that it would be a shame to miss out on all of that because we were too distracted by what could have been instead of what might still be coming.

But strangers have the best candy.....

Toronto was fun! Well, sort of. It was relaxing and nice to be away. I honestly didn't do much sight seeing. Instead I just hung out with my friend Brandon and did dumb stuff like go to the beach, go shopping, go to bars, go to restaurants, etc. I suppose what was so nice about my trip was that it was the first time I took a 500 mile road trip AND traveled outside of the USA.

So here is a quick run down of my 4 day weekend.

1. Mapquest is fierce. However, it cannot prepare you for a 2 hour wait to cross the border on a busy Friday afternoon nor can it do much when you take a wrong turn going home and end up in Detroit during rush hour.

2. Wow, they treat you like a member of Al-Qaeda at the border, coming and going! They were fuckign rude assholes. Thank god I had my passport. I can only imagine how the border officials would have harrassed me even more if I hadn't had it.

3. Toronto is pretty. It is also VERY multicultural, but not in the same way that Chicago is (in other words there aren't Mexican and Polish people all over the fucking place! lol). It seemed like everyone was from somewhere

4. I thought it was so cute that all of the product labels at stores are written in French and English.

5. The Gay Village is where they filmed Queer As Folk and it really did look like how it did on TV! And there really is a bar called "Woody's"!The village is a very cute area....but EXTREMELY cruisy! Jesus Christ. The men literally are on the hunt for sex 24/7. Even Chicago or New York isn't that bad. What's worse though is the city isn't that big. I bet everyone has slept with everyone 100 times over.

6. The night life in Toronto is not very good. Bars close early and at every bar they literally measure the alcohol in shot glasses when making mixed drinks. It's best to just drink at home and then go out.



7. OMG. I chose the option to keep my clothes on but the same can't be said for one particular tranny! Oh no! I saw a "Chick With A Dick" up close and personal in the nude! I later on ran into her at a bar and she was flashing her titties and cock to everyone in the bar! LOL!

8. Bringing a chocolate bar on a summer road trip is not a good idea. I never had to poke a hole in a candy bar wrapper so I could drink it!

9. Wow, I never realized just how fuel efficient my Toyota is. I was able to go from Chicago to Toronto on just one tank of gas each way!

10. As for the title of the today's post, that was a t-shirt I saw at the beach and I just thought it was the funniest thing!

Blame Canada!

Blame Canada, blame Canada!
When Canada is gone, there'll be no Celine Dion!



This Friday I am leaving the United States for the very first time in my life. I am taking a road trip to visit a friend, Brandon, in Toronto. I am so excited because I have never been on such a long road trip before and I have never been to a foreign country! I know US citizens can still enter Canada without a passport but I am still very relieved that my passport FINALLY arrived in the mail last week after having waited over 3 months. It will make crossing the border so much easier. I am not sure what Brandon has planned for us but he lives in the center of the gay district so I suspect my time there will probably involve lots of alcohol and hot boys. Maybe I will meet the man of dreams and we can even get married!

I felt so naive thoguh when I was talking to Brandon about the trip. I asked him "What will I do about money? You guys don't use US currency". There was a moment of silence and then he said very matter-of-factly "You know, um, we have ATM's in Canada too."

DUH!

I felt so silly. Oh well. I will be sure to take lots of pictures....maybe even some naughty ones :)=

2 Legit 2 Quit

Wow, June was such an intense month for me. I am sitting here right now in my underwear finally getting a chance to be lazy. No phone calls, no work, no dates, no running around half naked on Halsted. It feels great. I even had the chance to masturbate not once but TWICE today and it's only 1:30PM! Now that's what I call a relaxing day. I am taking it easy today because July promises to be just as intense as June, if not more since I will be spending a third of the month away from Chicago. Today is also giving me some time to reflect upon some nagging issues I need to address.

I think awhile back I was bitching about how I hated my job(s). Well, I have thought long and hard about this. You see, I am the type of person who simply cannot ignore a problem. When I see a change is necessary I always take the initiative to get the ball rolling. Sometimes the solution to my problem is very obvious and easily obtained. Other times I am forced to improvise and be creative. This is the case today. I realize quitting my jobs altogether would not be a wise or practical decision. However, I think the time has come to quit my casual/weekend job. By doing this I will no long have to work double shifts every other weekend thus eliminating a bulk of the bitterness I am carrying around with respect to my current employment blues. So come August 10th not only will I be preparing for Chicago's "Market Days" but I will be celebrating yet another chapter in my life........one that won't be burdened so much by a crappy job. I can't wait!

And to compliment my lovely and quiet Tuesday I have the perfect music.......



I swear, I think this proves that Deborah Cox could sing the telephone book and I would love it. I first loved her as a 90's RnB singer (that's when RnB was GOOD!) and later on discovered her fabulous and fierce dance remixes when I started going to clubs. I never would have thought her jazz tribute album to Dinah Wahsington would find a place in my cd player. It's simply lush!

I Love Your Smile

I remember last year when I was taking pictures of myself for MySpace that I noticed how yellow my teeth looked. It disturbed me because I don't smoke or drink coffee which are two huge culprits of staining teeth. I knew I couldn't afford a professional whitening treatment at my dentist's office so I investigated my other options. I eventually tried the generic Target brand of these:



For less than $20 my teeth were several shades whiter within one week. I bought another box and acheived even better results. I then started chewing this gum after every meal.....



So for less than $50 dollars I eventually turned my yellow sad smile into a brighter, happier one. Granted, I don't have sparkling Hollywood smile but I definitely made progress.

So why am I praising the joy of home teeth whitening kits and chewing gum? Well, because it bugs the fuck out of me when I see people with teeth the color of butter knowing damn well they could fix that shit for such a small amount of money! I can understand if you have snaggle teeth like Jewel and can't afford a good cosmetic dentist, but jesus fucking christ, $20 won't kill you to whiten that grill!

Shut Up And Drive

I have always had a love/hate relationship with taxi cabs in Chicago. Compared to other cities I always thought the rates were rather expensive. The actual cab drivers break so many traffic laws that they make Asians and old people seem like a non-threat on the road. On the other hand, taxi cabs do come in handy when it is 4AM and I am well beyond the legal alcohol limit to drive myself. Unfortunately I have been noticing a disturbing trend with Chicago cab drivers and it is really starting to piss me off.

The past FOUR times as I have gotten into a cab in Boystown to go back to my apartment that is in Downtown I have specifically asked the driver to take Halsted instead of Lake Shore Drive. Although the speed limit is higher on Lake Shore Drive it actually is longer, not to mention at 4AM with no traffic, Halsted is just as quick....but shorter! Well, all four times the drivers have insisted on taking Lake Shore Drive. Two of them I had to argue with until they finally did as I told them to. One just ignored me and paid the price by not getting a tip. However, last night was the final straw. The motherfucker was already driving on Halsted when he suddenly turns down some random street. I got so angry that I started yelling at him like the military dictator of whatever third world country his ugly ass immigrated from, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I SAID TAKE HALSTED! WE WERE ON HALSTED! WHY ARE YOU HEADED TOWARDS CLARK??????!!!!!". The fucking dumb ass couldn't even give me a crappy explanation. Did he think just because I am drunk I wouldn't notice his little detour and sad attempt to get more money from me? I made him turn around and reset the meter.

Moral of the story for the cab drivers of Chicago: Don't fuck with a drunk gay boy who has just left a club without a hot guy to take home!