Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Shut up and stick it in!!!!

In order to complete my undergraduate degree in Milwaukee I had to complete three months of phlebotomy training. Don't ask me why this was required. In the 4 years I have worked since then I have never had to collect a blood sample. Thank god for that too! I HATED it! You would think it is a very simple task, but it isn't. So many patients will whine and complain that it hurts. Others have no good veins to stick and you look like an idiot when you fail to get the blood sample. Some patients are smelly and weird. Others can get violent. I dreaded my phlebotomy practice every single morning, but I always put on my biggest and fakest smile and pretended that it was the funnest thing in the world. Ironically, this pseudo-enthusiasm actually made some patients feel better. I guess smiles are contagious.

As for me, I have HUGE veins and I have never had a problem giving a sample of blood.....until today. I went to the clinic at Midwestern University to have the last of my blood work done. One of the med students collected my sample and he did a horrible job! He put the torniquet on me and then stared at my veins for like 5 minutes trying to figure out which one he would use. I felt like screaming "Just fucking stick it in already!!!!!!". That would have been the first time I said that in a non-sexual context, but I refrained. When he finally inserted the needle he MISSED my vein!!!! Jesus christ, at this point my veins were bulging so much I looked like a heroin addict. Finally I had to give him some advice to quicken the process. The only thing that kept me from being a bitch to him was the fact he was one of those cute, VERY muscular, shaggy haired LA surfer types. If he had been ugly though I would have told him to go get someone else cuz I am a shallow bitch like that, lol!

I hope I don't get a bruise!


Blogger innommable said...

I remember the first time I got a lot of blood drawn, I was like 18 or something. The blood looked like fruit juice or something and I started laughing uncontrollably as it gushed out into the sizable vial! The one lady who was doing it said to the other lady, "Look at him! He's laughin'!"

4:21 PM  
Blogger YoNoTePidoLaLuna said...

I'm incredibly hemophobic. I can't even look at blood drawn from me. If I do, I get dizzy.

And yet I have a zillion nose bleeds a year.

7:33 PM  
Blogger MatadorMexicano said...

oh no no no... im one of those people who give fits when i get blood drawn! i remember when i was getting my physical for my immigration work the lady had to literally chase me down the hall with the needle. AND I WAS 16!! she called me a cry baby to my face, that bitch!

9:31 PM  
Blogger equippedtofascinate said...

One of the many reasons I chose to work with animals over people. They can't complain when I can't find their veins.

9:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks nice! Awesome content. Good job guys.

7:54 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

I remember how much you HATED drawing blood. You drew my blood once and you forgot to take the tourniquet off. Remember that? That was hilarious. Funny though, I've drawn blood hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands of times since graduating. It really sucks when other people miss you. Usually I just end up taking a butterfly and doing it myself. :)

1:52 AM  

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