Sunday, June 25, 2006

Madonna Was Right!

After visiting New York, other places DO make me feel like a dork! Now I can appreciate Madonna's "I Love New York" just a little bit more.

All Madonna references aside though, I have had a BLAST this week in New York City. I won't give a drawn out boring minute by minute review of my trip, but here are some of the "Top 20" highlights, thoughts, and opinions of my trip.

1. This city is dirty as hell. Someone needs to do something about all the trash in the streets!

2. There is a Starbucks on every corner, literally. One day my friends and I even played a game. Every two blocks we stopped to check if there was a Starbucks within a one block radius. Let's just say we never worried about not having enough frappuchinos.

3. There is pizza everywhere. Yet all of it tastes like shit!

4. I was propositioned by female prostitutes at a porno shop. I was so surprised by this I just ran out of the place looking like a scared kid. If only they had been some hot MALE prostitutes that looked like Mario Lopez! Then I would have been happy!

5. The bathrooms in the gay clubs are like a bad episode of "Queer As Folk". For pee shy individuals like myself this indeed presented a challenge. It's very "hard" to concentrate on urinating with so much sex going on!

6. Roxy nightclub was fierce! In fact most of the bars/clubs I went to were fierce (well, my travel companions may disagree). I saw the most hilarious tranny show Monday night at Barracuda. Normally I am not a fan of trannies, but Candis Cayne was actually pretty, looked normal, and had the entire bar cracking up with her comedy stand up/drag show.

Splash bar was ok. I also went to this place on Friday night that had three levels. It was awesome! I forget the name......Opalime? Ovalint? Ovaltine? uh, whatever! it was on 39th Street between 5th and 6th Ave.

7. I saw a few z-list celebrities too. Kevin Federline walked into a store I was shopping at in SoHo. Jai from "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" was at the tranny show, and the "Gay Pimp" was out at the Opaltine place. The only "real" celebrity I met was Nelly Furtado at the Virgin megastore in Times Square. She is fierce! FORCA! FORCA! FORCA! :)

8. Even in a massive metropolis like New York, I was quickly reminded how small the world really is. While waiting for the subway one day I ran into a former acquaintance/fling I knew from Chicago. He moved to New York two years ago and I had no idea I would actually see him! He looked great so it's nice to see NYC is treating him well. Also, one of my Say Hey contacts apparently saw me out in the street one day, although we didn't actually meet.

9. I finally had the opportunity to meet my internet friend from the Kylie Minogue forum, Joe aka Kyles Beguiles. He is a fellow freestyle/Dannii/Kylie/pop music whore and we have been chatting for about 3 years. He was as fierce in person as he is online. We had a fun night drinking, eating macaroni & cheese and discussing all things Minogue. His friends were just as nice too.

10. Shopping!!!!!! Omigod, there may not be anything like Michigan Ave in Chicago, but New York has got some fierce stores. My feet are covered with blisters after having walked all over Manhattan.

11. HOT MEN!!!!! Ok, maybe it is because I don't live here, but I saw so many hot gay men! I even took some pictures of some random hot guys. I can't wait to develop those! For now I only have this pic of an underwear model at the Universal Gear store.

12 I hate Times Square. As one of my New Yorker contacts described it, it's a place for fat mothers with their fat kids from Nebraska who come to see "Mamma Mia".

13. While at the wax museum I went up to the Rosa Parks figure and told her "I am sorry Ms. Parks, I am going to have to ask you to go to the back of the museum. Thanks!" My friend videotaped that along with me fondling the wax figure of all of The Rock. Did you know they put nipples on those wax figures! Some 8 year old boy though looked a little bewildered as I molested the figures.

14. The subway system in this city rocks. Chicagoans have every right to complain about our CTA. It's a goddamn joke compared to New York!

15. SoHo is fierce. I highly recommend Cafe Bari if you get hungry. It's a cute and trendy italian restaurant on the corner on Spring and Broadway. It was filled with HOT Italian stallions watching the World Cup and the food was yummy!!!!

16. I have mixed feelings about the gay area, Chelsea. It wasn't as pretty as Chicago's Boystown (no surprise there of course), but it seemed more "lively". Of course, perhaps that was just all in my head. Also, the homos here are so friendly! People LOVE to flirt here. Some really hot guy gave me a free sample for razor bump lotion designed for black men. Now considering I am obviusly not a black man prone to razor bumps, I think it's safe to assume he gave me the sample just so he could say "hi".

17. The Statue Of Liberty is NOT worth the time. We spent almost 3 fucking hours waiting in lines and getting on a ferry just to stare up at some ugly green bitch's gross gangrened feet for 10 minutes. I would rather have wondered through the sewers of NY collecting cockroaches and rats.

18. Speaking of rats, holy shit. They are not kidding when they say there is a rat problem in this city. They practically take over entire blocks when the sun goes down!

19. Where are the Taco Bells, Walgreens and Chipotles???????

20. I loved New York. Would I come back? Definitely! Would I live there?'s definitely a possibility. For the next three years I must remain in Chicago. Once I finish school and assuming there is nothing holding me back, a move to NYC would be more than welcome.


Blogger bomitoni said...

glad u had so much fun in NY. thanks for my 'dannii' gift :) but don't forget chicago loves u more!

10:24 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

No Chipotles? That's pretty much a deal-breaker.

10:35 PM  
Blogger YoNoTePidoLaLuna said...

I like Chicago. It's a watered down New York. There's enough hustle and bustle for me. The only bigger Metropolis I'd ever move to is Mexico City, just because it's definitely more my scene. It's as happening as New York only it contains the nucleus of the Latin American entertainment world.

12:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad u had a good time! :) i hope i can go there someday.

1:25 AM  
Blogger Chargenda said...

Awww...I wouldn't call Chicago a watered-down New York. Don't get me wrong, I really love NYC. But, loving it doesn't mean a need to trash our own amazing, beautiful, friendly and unique town. Great observations, and you are making me wanna take a visit there soon.

12:03 PM  
Anonymous f.a.g. said...


You simply MUST stop using "fierce" so much. There is no less fierce word in our language.

10:20 AM  
Blogger innommable said...

I think it's cute that he uses "fierce" so much! What a fun time you had! I simply must go back. I'd move there, if I didn't have my life (i.e. my boyfriend) here. It's such a great big fantastic city!

12:04 PM  
Blogger Rubicund Y. Logorrhea said...

Oh my god. No he didn't. Did he? Did I just see innomable say that I was weighing him down here? I don't want to be anyone's ball and chain... you go girl!

11:43 AM  

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