"My mother is a fucking bitch!"

Isn't funny the things you come across when you move that you didn't even remember you had? While I was moving I found a journal/diary that I used to write in when I was 11. I was cracking up reading some of my entries. They were just so random and rather blunt! But I suppose that is what's so wonderful about being a kid. Kids say exactly what's on their mind without any concern of what others might think or say. I think most of us as adults lose this ability to be so completely blunt. For example:

"February 12th, 1991,
My mother is a fucking bitch. I hate her. Sadaam Huseein dumped oil in the ocean. Yesterday I got the new cassette by Pebbles, "Always".

Well, some of the entires were a bit longer with a little more detail, but they were funny nonetheless, although at times a bit disturbing. I often forget about the miserable childhood I had, which is probably a good thing since it means I have been able to move on. i can't stand adults who continually blame their bad decisions in life on what happened to them as a kid. I'm sorry, but once a person turns 18 they have the ability to take full control of their destiny. There are no excuses.

There were also some cool entries about my first year in highschool and about how I made friends with a really cool girl named Reni. Who would have thought 11 years later she would still be one of my closest friends.

I find it ironic though, that much what I wrote about my mother still holds true....kind of. I don't hate her or thinks she's a bitch, but I am quite indifferent to our relationship and I think I only stay in touch with her out of sympathy/pity. In fact, to say we have a relationship is a joke. We barely talk and when we do it's like two strangers making small talk on the train. The worst part I suppose is that I feel bad, not because of the realtionship, but simply because I don't care. I think the lack of emotion or complete indifference is probably worse than if I actually did say I hated her. At least hatred means you care. I feel nothing, to be quite honest.

Anyhoo, moving on to more important things......I am loving the new apartment and building! Hot damn my building is loaded with BEEFARONI! Grrr...I was jsut at the grocery store and just about came in my pants when this hot motherfucker that looked like a middle eastern Mario Lopez was checking out in front of me. I am afraid I am going to turn into a Presidential Towers whore! oooh, I just saw my neighbor today too. Muscular, tall, and blonde. Yummy.

I think I need to have a moment with one of my favorite Kristen Bjorn films now.........