Monday, December 18, 2006

The Worst Albums of 2006

I am feeling a little cranky today. There have been alot of random annoyances in my life this week. So instead of taking my frustration out on someone else, I shall channel my negative energy today on my blog and bitch about the 6 albums I wasted my money on or wasted my time downloading. In my opinion these albums were complete audio montrosities that should have been aborted before they ever left the recording studio.

Drum roll please...............

Diana Ross - "I Love You": I was ecstatic earlier this year when I read that Diana Ross would be returning to the recording studio after a 7 hiatus. Back in 1999 (before those pesky DUI's) when Diana released "Everyday Is A New Day" I still saw potential. Granted she was no longer the commercial success she was in the 70's and 80's, but I foolishly believed she was capable of a "Cher like" comeback. Oops. After hearing this album I think the bitch should have retired. It's simply painful to listen to this album of classic love standards. Diana sounds like she has one foot in the grave while "singing" most of these tunes. Her renditions of such classics as "Always & Forever" and "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" are horrible and just downright embarrasing. Oh how it pains me to see how far my diva has fallen.

Patricia Manterola - "A Mis Reinas": Another covers album that sounds like a car crash from start to finish. Patricia has always been the poor man's Mexican diva, and this album just confirms her D-list status. Apparently no one told her the point of doing a covers album is to represent some sort of theme or era. Even Diana Ross got that part right. Poor Paty randomly picked some of her favorite songs sung by other female artists with no regard for even genre. She ends up delivering a complete and total mess. Trashy dated dance songs, crappy "salsa" and even some regional mexican shit pollute this album. I hope Paty's goal was to leave the listener writhing in agony, because it sure had that effect on me. Barf.

Paulina Rubio - "Ananda": A crappy album title, crappy cover art and a crappy singer can only lead to one thing.....a crappy album! I enjoyed the first single "Ni Una Sola Palabra", but wow, was I surprised when I heard the rest of the album. As my Milwaukee Sister said, she hasn't made an album this bad since "El Tiempo Es Oro". This tone deaf diva struggles to be "different" by recording some of the most awkward and horrifying songs of her career. "Hoy" sounds like a hip-hop ranchera song on crack. What the fuck. Oh, and if I hear that bitch say "Cookie" one more time I will puke. During Thalia's recent string of flops I thought I could count on Pau-Pau for some amusement but I am afraid "Ananda" makes any Thalia album look like Beethoven.

Kim English - "My Destiny": A better title would have been "My Colostomy" because they only thing coming out of this album is shit. Poor Kim. It took her 10 years to come up with a proper followup to her now underground house classic "Higher Things". Apparently all of those late night trips to Popeye's left her musical judgement impaired. Sure, there are some great songs on here, such as "Everyday" and "It Makes A Difference" (ONLY the Tony Moran bouns mix) but Kim can't seem to decide who her fans are. The songs jump back and forth from classic house/soul to hard and progressive. The lack of cohesiveness and memorable songs leave this album sounding like a collection of demos. Just stick to maxi singles Kim.

Prince - "3121": I am sure the only good reviews of this album were by psycho Prince fans who just can't face the fact that this man hasn't had an interesting album in over 10 years. Sure" Black Sweat" was good, but once again I was fooled into thinking Prince had finally made a good album. Everytime he returns to a major label I get my hopes up. This album is the same uninspired sludge he has been putting out ever since he and Warner parted ways. Just like Diana, I think it's time for Prince to retire.

Shakira - "Oral Fixation Vol 2 (2006 re-release)": Shakira actually unleashed this piece of shit in the fall of 2005. The album flopped big time though. So Shakira got the bright idea to record an old Wyclef Jean song and re-release the album in 2006 with this new track. That song was of course "Hips Don't Lie", one of the catchiest and funnest songs of the year! However that still didn't take away from the fact that the album still sucked rotten smelly ass. Just about every track on the album is either a pseudo-rock song that sounds like an Ashley Simpson reject or a sappy crappy lesbian ballad. All of this is included with Shakira's warbled, billy goat yelping and yodeling layered on top. How an album that took 4 years to make can turn out so horribly is beyond me. The most insulting part is she thought she could tack on one song that was actually good (Hips Don't Lie) and expect people not to notice. Well, considering this album sold only half of what her first english album did I guess people didn't believe her hips either way. Better luck next time Shaqueefa.


Blogger Robby said...

poor Diana! it's not that BAD! (although, i admit, it does sound like death is upon her on "I Want You," and that's being kind...)

1:30 AM  
Blogger YoNoTePidoLaLuna said...

I was thinking about Shakira but it came at the end of 2005. Ditto Madoodoo.

I haven't finished my Best and Worst list yet. I still don't know what my fave album is, I've had a few this year actually

9:00 AM  
Blogger Chicago_Sexbox said...

Well, that's why I specifically mention the 2006 version of Shaqueefa's putrid piece of poo.

Madonna's album was the best so far of the century! No, make that THE MILLENIUM!

12:51 PM  
Blogger bomitoni said...

i think u need to clean your ears out...

i haven't picked my worst of the year but ANANDA will be high up on the list, along w/ alejandra guzmán's last disc.

5:08 PM  
Blogger Chicago_Sexbox said...

Awww...I will admit "Indelebe" isn't Alejandra's finest moment but the cd has proven to be good homework music.....probably because it's so boring, lol.

5:58 PM  
Blogger Tommy said...

I guess I'll be downloading Miss Ross' album instead of just buying it.. I was kind of dismayed that it was a bunch of soppy covers, but I guess that's the trend these days for any artist over 40..

7:51 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home