Shallow Me

One of the best traits to possess is the ability to recognize your own negative traits. There is no sense in denying your faults. You aren't fooling anyone, especially yourself.

Case in point: I'm shallow.

When it comes to finding a date, appearance/looks is the most important thing I look for. I demand hotness. I demand a cute smile. I demand good skin. I demand good teeth. I demand good hair (or at least someone who looks good bald), and as Diana Ross once said, I want muscles! Many people have criticized me because this. They have told me "But looks are only skin deep! You are never going to find a boyfriend being so shallow!".

Yes, looks are skin deep. Thank god for that I say because after 10 years of dating I can safely say 95% of gay men have some majorly disturbing issues lurking under those looks. Alcoholics, pathologic liars, co-dependents, drug addicts, escorts, husbands on the down low, low self esteem, general bitterness, bi-polar, manic depression, psychotic tendencies, issues regarding sexual identity, etc, etc, etc. I've seen it all. If I were to start my own talk show I would give both Oprah and Tyra a run for their money. Those bitches wouldn't stand a chance against the gay freakshow I would be hosting.

So where am I going with all of this? Well, it's really quite simple. I am not complaining about the freaks I meet. Those dates provide for great dinner conversations. The story of the one guy who had me alone in his car as he proceeded to tell me how he cuts himself to release the "demons" always gets the party started! My dating horror stories, however, are not just a reason to get invited to parties. They are the reason why I am so shallow. If I have sit through a dinner and movie while one of my date's multiple personalities runs off to snort a few lines of coke in the bathroom to help get over the fact that 5 minutes ago he was crying uncontrollably because he can't come to terms with his sexuality and that his wife and kids would die if they knew he was out with a guy.....then you know what? The motherfucker better be drop dead gorgeous! Gays with issues come in both 'ugly' and 'cute'. I'll take the cute ones any day of the week. It gives me something pretty to look at while I wonder if I am going to get home in one piece.