Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Dumbo: The Big Eared Freak

Yes, that is a picture of me when I was 11 years old. Such frightening hair! And look at those ears! I am posting this picture not simply to make fun of my tragic childhood style, but to commemorate the 10th anniversary of my otoplasty procedure.

In 1996 I joined the ranks of Cher, Joan Rivers, Thalia and Pete Burns by undergoing cosmetic surgery. Unlike the aforementioned individuals, I managed to come out of the hospital still looking human. God bless Dr. Elias! For the majority of my childhood I was tormented and teased because of my ears. I know everyone gets picked on but really, this was bad since I attended schools in the ghetto. Ghetto children are unusally rougher than normal kids since they have so many relatives that get out of prision and teach them how to be miniature gangsters. Not to mention, when you have big ears, you tend to be the only person like that in school. At least with fat kids or kids with glasses, there are several of them so they can all unite and create a sort of support network. The big eared kid though just gets shit on by everyone. Anyhoo, I survived the beatings and name calling and I must say I am really not bitter about any of it. Actually, I look back and laugh at some of the things I did to conceal my big ears. In highschool I grew my hair really long. That caused confusion though becasue everyone thought I was a girl. So then I had the bright idea to tape my ears to my head. I know that sounds unbelievable, but it actually worked! Every now and then I will have a dream that I still have to do that and I am in the middle of class and my tape starts to get unstuck.

For those of you wondering what otoplasty is like (and were too lazy to click on the link), it's really not that bad. The doctor made an incision behind both ears, scraped away some cartilage so she could bend my ears back and sewed me back up. I wasn't even put under during the procedure. The doctor was playing Sade though in the operating room so I did eventually fall asleep from boredom. For about a week I was in dire pain since it felt like Freddy Krueger had been scratching behind my ears. I also had to wear this big white thing around my head that looked like a turbin. I was mistaken for a Quiki Mart attendant several times that week, but it was well worth it!

Plastic surgery is fierce!


Blogger bomitoni said...

oh no! i have never seen a picture of u as a child! it's so surreal! my 'lil milwaukee sister! i don't think ur ears were that big, but then again i am sure all the constant teasing didn't help the matter. personally i find big ears sexy. gives u something to grab onto! hello jeff goldblum! will smith!

3:01 PM  
Blogger Pinche Guero said...

omg hahahahah cute!

4:27 PM  
Blogger YoNoTePidoLaLuna said...

Awwwww....maybe now I can see a picture of your mother, who for privacy sakes we'll name Ms. Kruegger.

Your ears really weren't that bad..I've seen really bad ears. Yours just stuck out, which is normal. I was expecting you to have ears that made u look like a hammerhead. Either way, u did what made u feel comfortable so I respect you for knowing what you wanted. So u were 18?

6:36 PM  
Blogger Chicago_Sexbox said...

You will never see a picture of Ms. Krueger! never ever ever! lol

I was 17 when I had the procedure done. I saved up my money from working at Cinnabon for two years!

7:18 PM  
Blogger equippedtofascinate said...

If I were to get plastic surgery, I would get a penis reduction. It's hard to be hung like me.

10:43 PM  
Blogger Chicago_Sexbox said...

I have some ex boyfriends you can donate your extra penis bits to! lol

11:21 PM  
Blogger Chargenda said...

To the people who said that your ears weren't that big: You are lying! They were huge! Woah!

10:01 AM  
Blogger 20Th Century Boy said...

Ahhh producto comercial....ajua¬°

12:34 PM  

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