Sunday, August 13, 2006

Bar Quotes

I have had some of the most interesting and bizzare encounters with people in bars over the years......

Guido: You look just like my ex-wife.
Me: Um, I am not sure how I should take that....

*after a few minutes of silence and VERY awkward small talk*

Me: Well, I bet I can guess why you two got divorced, ha ha ha.
Guido: So are you getting scared?
Me: Scared? Um, no. Annoyed? Definitely. Goodbye.

Mr. Roper: You know, it's real a shame to see such a hot guy like you dress so flamboyantly.
Me: Thanks for the concern but old men that look like Mr. Roper from 3's Comapny in a trench coat at Roscoe's shouldn't be giving fashion tips.

Mr. NYC: Hey, 'sup stud?
Me: Nothing much. Are you having a good time tonight?
Mr. NYC: Yeah, um, hey, you wanna do some coke with me in the bathroom?Me: Oh, I, uh, I always get a really bad allergic reaction from that stuff.

*as I walk away I don't know what is worse, his question or my lame response!*

Mr. Big Stuff: So hey, what's going on? You looking to hang tonight?
Me: yes, I am looking to hang...but only if you are hung.
Mr. Big Stuff: I have 9 inches.
Me: Good answer. Follow me.

*I forget to ask though if he could actually get that 9 inches HARD!*

Naco: You are so cute! Like you are nothing like my ex-boyfriend. He was fat and gross...and he used to beat me all the time. He was s smoker. He would burn me with his cigarettes whenever he got pissed. Look at the scars on my arm....see! But I got rid of his ass. We broke up yesterday. he said he is going to kill me but whatever. I am living out of my car right now so it's not like as if he could track me down that easily! So tell me more about yourself.
Me:Um....I...uh.....oh, wait one second. I have to go to the bathroom. I forgot to take my once a day Valtrex for genital herpes. I'll be right back!

Me (randomly singing): "voy a dejar mi lipstick por todo tu culo......"
Mr. Brazil: I don't speak spanish. I'm from Brazil.
Me: Ooooooooh! Really? That's hot!
Mr. Brazil: Have you ever had Brazilian in you?

I don't remember what I said after that because I was too drunk. All I know is I never was able to take him up on his offer! Dammit!


Blogger MatadorMexicano said...

ha! maybe i should go bar hoppin more often. i ove that banter!

10:00 PM  
Blogger YoNoTePidoLaLuna said...

The naco one was hilarious...did u ever see his ass again? Being that u frequent those "naco-infested" bars and shit..:P?

11:58 PM  
Blogger Chicago_Sexbox said...

I do not frequent Naco Infested bars thank you much, unless Hydrate, Roscoes, Crobar or Sidetracks count. That naco experience was from one of the few times I let myself go to Chesterfield.

*shudders at the mere mention of the place*

12:02 PM  
Blogger YoNoTePidoLaLuna said...

I still have yet to go to Chesterfields! Being that I am "south side trash", alot of fellow south siders I know used to go there alot and always talk about it. Not saying that it was great but they would go for the music, because its latino and because its a gay bar..and they are not as easy to come by in the southside u know. But I never went, never interested me.

I still remember when I was 20 years old and went to Circuit on a thursday for the first time. I was knoched out by all the midget nacos and "rancheros"

3:13 PM  

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