My Urban Legends

Have you ever done or said something that was totally taken out of context and years later it continues to come back and haunt you? Now, I am not talking about anything serious here, just silly things. However, even silly things can get old and tired when you still have to hear about them years later. I recently was reminded of some of my own personal "Urban Legends" that I want to finally clear up. Most people reading this won't know what the hell I am talking about but who cares, I just need to vent!


Urban Legend #1
I AM VERY CAPABLE OF WALKING LONG DISTANCES. REALLY. A few years ago I made a comment to my friend that I couldn't drive to the grocery store because the street was closed. My friend immediately began to ridicule me for not being able to WALK the 4 blocks to the store. Before I knew it all of my friends seriously believed I had to drive everywhere....even if my destination was across the street. The problem is, my initial statement had been TOTALLY taken out of context. I had no problem walking. I mean, I go to the gym 4-5 times a week. I am not a lazy person! At the time I would even walk almost 8 blocks to get to certain bars in the area. The thing was it was 100 degress and I needed a SHIT LOAD of groceries. I didn't want to try to walk with 20 bags of food in the excessive heat. So to this day that conversation continues to haunt me. I was speaking with the same friend and I mentioned how I had walked to State Street and he immediately said "oh wow, that is so unlike you. You didn't take a cab?". He was serious too.


Urban Legend #2
I TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION ALL OF THE TIME. IT DOESN'T SCARE ME. REALLY.
With this one, I can't even remember the exact comment. Perhaps there wasn't one and the myth that the CTA frightens me stems from the fact I commute to work by car. Who knows, who cares. The fact is the first year I lived in Chicago I worked downtown. I took the bus or train everyday. Even once I started working in the suburbs I continued to utilize the CTA on my days off because I was SICK of driving. I use the CTA even more so now that I live downtown. There is no way in hell I am parking in Boystown on a weekend so I take the Red or Brown line. If I want to go shopping I take the #151 bus to Michigan Ave. If I want to go to the museum or aqaurium, I take the train. I don't loathe the CTA. I love it. It may not be as efficient as New York's public transportation but it gets me to where I need to go!


Urban Legend #3
My life isn't one continuous episode of "Queer As Folk", as much as I wish it was. I remember when I still lived in Milwaukee and would always talk about sex or porn with the fag hags at my job. Well, such dirty talk earned me the nicknames "sexpot" and "tramp". Mind you I was working full time and going to school full time. In other words, I was in the middle of a 2 year dry spell. Nevertheless these women were convinced I had some crazy life like Brian on "Queer as Folk". When I moved to Chicago one of the ladies kept in touch and would ask me about my "adventures". Well, at that point I finally did have a few stories to tell. My first year in Chicago was what you could call my "slut phase". I was naughty on porches, in bookstores, in clubs/bars, etc. It was fun but all good things come to an end. Three years later though I still seem to have this wild-child-parties-all-night-every-night reputation. I have even had people ask if I do drugs! Jesus Christ, if these people only knew how dull my life is! lol Honestly, if I was anything like Brian Kinney, my excessive drug use, wild sex orgies, and nightly clubbing would have probably prevented my from doing anything constructive with my life and I would be still living at home in Milwaukee working some loser job. Only on TV do people get to be irresponsible and still have a happy life!