That Don't Impress Me Much

I hate when people feel the need to "brag" about things that actually make them look like complete idiots or assholes just because they desperately want to impress me. Here are just a few examples of what I am talking about:

1. So someone tells me how tacky it is for me to furnish my house with IKEA after he rambles about how he is just a FABULOUS interior designer. He fails to mention he has no home of his own and is in the country illegaly. Oooh....as if I was impressed by the interior design expertise of a glorified homeless person.

2. Someone just can't stop talking about his past sexual relations with women on our first date. He even alludes to the fact he may still sleep with women. Mind you he does this in between sentences about his new Versace sweater, how many carbs he ate that day, and his manicure appointment at 1pm. Oh, and did I mention the bleached blonde hair? Sorry, but just because Oprah can't get enough of you "down low" freaks doesn't mean I give a shit.

3. Oh, so you are rich and have tons of money? Isn't that special! Too bad all that "money" couldn't get you a good plastic surgeon you cross eyed greasy haired cleft lip looking motherfucker.

4. OOoh....so you got a Mercedes Benz? Wow, and you are going to let me ride in it too? Oh wow, I feel so honored. Oh wait a minute, your mommy and daddy want you back home by 11? Nevermind sweetie.