Runaway....or running towards...
I will not deny that the past two months I have been in a shitty mood. I thought it had to do with wanting to finish school and find a job. Something tonight made me realize this anxious feeling has very little to do with any of that.
I want to runaway. I am looking at so many people and situations around me and I realize there are very few genuine faces in the crowd. My life here in Chicago has become a joke and I have no one to blame but myself for allowing it to happen. Am I too nice? Am I not nice enough? Am I naive? Am I just stupid? Should I even fucking care anymore? Perhaps this is why I find such great comfort keeping busy with school. I am working toward something productive with a positive outcome. I truly regret the time and energy I have spent on so many other things and people.
So....I'm over it. However, I don't think I should say that I am running away from this mess since I don't think that will solve anything. If anything, I should probably say that I am runing towards SOMETHING that will hopefully be better....or at least allow me a fresh start.
I won't forget anything that has happened in the past 7 years. That would be foolish of me. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes again once I start my new chapter.