Sunday, July 30, 2006

The Lab Bitch

Since I was 19 I have either worked or trained in 5 different clinical laboratories. Some were small labs in community hospitals, others were large, high volume reference labs. One thing they all had in common though was.....The Lab Bitch.

Who is the Lab Bitch? Well, she generally is that one post-menopausal woman that has worked at the lab for a zillion years, has never been married (or has a really crappy marriage), and is bitter about everything. According to the Lab Bitch, no one works as hard as she does. No one does as good as a job as she does. Nothing is ever right or perfect enough. Consequently, the Lab Bitch must spend the majority of her shift complaining, whining or just being a complete cunt to her co-workers. Fortunately Lab Bitches are generally all bark and no bite. The only time I had to leave a job because of one was when the supervisor was the Lab Bitch. Otherwise, a Lab Bitch in a non-supervisory position is just a minor annoyance.

Well, the other day I decided to steal the Lab Bitch's thunder and unleash my own bitchy side. Basically the Lab Bitch was whining because she saw me flipping through a magazine while I waited for a slide to finish staining. She made a snide comment alluding to the fact that she was "busy" yet I was doing nothing. I let her have it. Instead of being apologetic I informed her that if she was so "busy" perhaps it's her own fault and that she needs to learn to multitask. I continued to tell her that when I work in her department I don't have any problems and especially don't notice what my co-workers in another department are doing. I suggested that perhaps the time she spends being nosey could be used to complete her own work instead, thus she too could flip through a magazine every now and then. Food for thought!

Now mind you, everyone else fears this woman as if she was the anti-Christ, so you can imagine the look of shock on her wrinkled old bitter face when I told her to basically fuck off. It felt great. Being mean to people always gives me a natural high. I love it. I was in the best mood the rest of the day!

So the moral of the story is the Lab Bitch shouldn't waste her time fucking with the Lab Queen!


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