Bitter & Cynical
I was so afraid this day would come. I had hoped and prayed its arrival would wait until I was at least 30 but the inevitable has occurred. Yes folks, I am joining the ranks of millions of other gay men across the world. I am officially bitter and cynical. My next step now is trying to figure out how I can make being bitter and cynical look absolutely fabulous and fierce. I am open to any suggestions. Maybe the answer will come to me when I am in Miami next week shopping. There goes my plan not to use those credit cards anymore!
So how did I realize I am officially bitter and cynical? Well, you would think this sort of revelation would come after the end of a long term relationship or some other significant change in my life. However, I think the onset has been gradually creeping up on me. I just seem to have noticed now. You see, I met a really nice, sweet guy a few weeks ago. He is college educated, can speak in complete sentences, doesn't smoke or drink AND has a full time job. I didn't think such a combination of so many positive characteristics was possible without at least one major tragic flaw to accompany them..........like really bad body odor. That wasn't the case here. What's so strange is that I SHOULD be excited and smitten and while I admit I look forward to having my first official date with this guy I can't help but feel......numb. Those butterflies in my stomach that I used to get years ago when I met a cute and funny guy doesn't happen anymore. All that remains are the dried up butterfly corpses being eaten away by the maggots of former disasterous dates.
Oh well. I guess there is nothing wrong with being bitter and cynical as long as I don't let it affect other aspects of my life. I am not going to become a nasty cunt to people around me just because my love life is in the shitter. It's not that serious. I will always have my vast pornography collection to keep me happy.
Let's just pray my hard drive never crashes!