Como Ama Un Joto
Oh how my dear boriqua sister let me down. My loins moistened the first time I heard J-Lo's most recent single, "Que Hiciste". It was like a dream come true. The video saw her finally leaving behind the peroxide and bad highlights and embracing her latina roots. Then I began to hear that her anemic and manorexic husand, Marc Crapthony, had gotten his skinny little paws in this project. It was at that moment I began to brace myself for the worst. Although I still wanted to cling to the hope that J-lo would deliver a fagalicious album filled with dance ditties a la "Una Noche Mas" or more generic ethnic pop songs like "Que Ironia", I knew it was not meant to be. Instead her husband put his trademark sappy vomit inducing ballads all over the place.
If the title of the album is any indication of how J-lo "loves" well then she must be one dried up frigid boring fuck in the bedroom because there is no other way to interpret this mess. I mean, we couldn't even get a Pablo Flores dance remix? What the fuck! I think I would have even preferred another pseudo hip-hop attempt in which she tries to convince the world how "real" she is (all the while she is surrounded by 500 assistants and threatens to kill her neighbor's poodle to make a new fur coat).
Well, I was foolish enough to actually buy this album at Targhetto so I do plan on getting some use out of it. I think this album will fall into the "homework music" category much like Alejandra Guzman's last album did. "Homework music" is what I listen to when I study. It's just so dull and boring it never distracts me!
Anyhoo, moving along now....
So as my previous post suggested, this past week has felt like it was raining men. At one point I realized I was juggling four potential gentleman callers at once. Well, I am not ashamed to admit I know how to pimp them hoes but there comes a point when even yours truly has to realize when too much is too much. So I had to let Gentleman #1 go first because he was becoming a pesty stalker. I trusted my intuition and cancelled that subscription because I didn't want anymore issues! Gentleman #2 might serve as a good fuck buddy, but I am not going out of my way to call him. If he wants the goodies he can call me, damn it! Gentleman #3 turned out to be faker than Pamela Anderson's breasts. Enough said. So that leaves me with Gentleman #4. I defintiely see potential there. He's hot, he's nice and so far he has not demonstrated any stalker tendencies (or equally disturbing psychotic behavior). He appears to be drug free too. I remember the good old days when I had to ask guys if they had a condom. Now I have to make sure they aren't crystal meth queens! Well, he does use poppers occasionally but I can overlook that. I mean, if poppers and a glass of wine is what it takes to get his dookie shoot loosened up for some hot homo butt love then so be it! Fortunately for him I am not as high maintenance. All I need is an ample amount of lube and I am all ready for some back door action.
Oops, was that too much information?