Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Hey Güera

When I was a 19 year old twink I started to go tanning. Although I am half Pretto-Rican, my father's family for the most part (well, at least the ones I have seen) all had fair skin. I think there might have been one cousin with the dreaded nappy "Pretto-Rican" hair. Anyone who's been to Humboldt Park (or any Pretto-Rican ghetto) knows what I am talking about, lol. Anyhoo, I thought it would look nice to have a year round tan. I never was obsessed with it like some peope. No one ever mistook me for there leather luggage or new leather Gucci bag. Well, as the years went by I started to get lazy. I mean, if I am going to lay on my back for 20 minutes it should be for sex! Not to mention, as I was approaching my mid 20's I realized excessive UV exposure was going to give me wrinkles. Wrinkles make it hard for one to cling to his/her youth, unless you are the founder of Abercrombie & Fitch and like that creepy old/young look.........

So, to make a long story short I stopped tanning and began to rely only on my sunless tanning lotions for a subtle glow. Do you realize how brave that was of me? People applaud fucking Rosa Parks for not having given up her seat on the bus but I think i deserve more praise than her or anyone else for that matter. In the vain and shallow gay world being tanless is practically one of the seven deadly sins! I dare you to go to any gay bar in any city and you will see so many tragic white boys that have taken advantage of the various tanning salons to the point you have to wonder if this is the US or Nigeria. White skin is nowhere to be seen! Well, I was at the beach today looking a bit pastier than everyone else and it suddenly occurred to me this is a good thing. Being pale makes me special and unique. At those "Nigerian" gay bars I stand out in all of my fierceness and fabulousness! I guess if I am going to be a gay stereotype when it comes to music and clothes at least I can take pride in my rebellious stance against tanning! Wooo hooo! Go me!

Speaking of the beach.......um, I had no idea how cruisy the public bathrooms are. Now, I am all for casual sex but there is nothing sexy about a glory hole in a bathroom that smells like the Hershey squirts and looks as if it was a crime scene on several occasions. Ewwww. Needless to say I waited to pee until I got home.

And now that I am talking about such random things as cruisy bathrooms can I just say how annoying the Preacher Man on State Street is? I mean, if you are going to preach to strangers how they are going to burn in hell couldn't you at least do it outside of a store a bit more classier than fucking Old Navy. I'm sorry, but anyone trashy enough to shop at that welfare store can't even be saved by Jesus. Also, if you are going to randomly preach the "lord's word" on the street...at least do some research first! In one sentence this man tells people to "love thy neighbor". In his next breath he politely informs us homosexuals are evil sinners than shall burn in hell. Gee, thanks for all that love neighbor. Of course, he loses what little credibility he may have had by saying that. I mean, gay men will have no problem finding their way to heaven because we aren't afraid to ask for directions or look at a map like our straight counterparts. As for lesbians, shit, with all of their power tools they will fucking build a new entrance into heaven if they have to.


Blogger musicbeing said...

Can't you just accept your natural skin colour?? Why darken yourself up? Your halfer sister Jessica Alba envies your white skin, she'd love to be able to pass off as 100% non latina and you that have it decide to darken yourself up.

Lol! I like my skin tone, and I wouldn't mind being darker either I just don't tan even if I tried to. Haven't had a tan since I was a kid. I used to get a nice golden brown.

10:24 PM  
Blogger MatadorMexicano said...

i guess we prietos have it good then! there is no need for me to tan cause i be dark!

and that guy is hella annoying. but he's a chicago institution... what you gonna do?

11:22 PM  
Blogger Innommable said...

Yeah... just why ARE there so many tragic white boys tryin' to be brown? Mostly, they just look red... or orange. And then they have those AWFUL tan lines... PASTY WHITE ASS IS SO NOT HOT!!!

Give me the Jew boy who's pasty white from head to toe...

Oh, and I didn't know you were half P.R.! Now it all makes sense!


2:14 AM  
Blogger Chicago_Sexbox said...

Musicbeing, I swear you read the first sentence of my posts and then ignore the rest. How could miss the entire point of my post????? I WAS embracing my paleness.


2:54 PM  
Blogger musicbeing said...

Sorry, I guess your using of lotions instead of tanning for darker skin confused me.

Hakuna Matata!

6:55 PM  
Blogger Chicago_Sexbox said...

My lotions function as a cosmetic product much like makeup. Would it make you feel better if I replaced them with powder and foundation?

I also use concealer under my eyes to hide the dark circles when I don't sleep. I guess I should accept my fatigue too?

I know the voices in your head tell you far more interesting things about life than what I can write here. I guess I shouldn't ask for too much!

8:25 PM  
Blogger musicbeing said...

Well then makeup's not the answer, get your ass some beauty sleep :D

P-ro T kiero.

10:07 PM  
Blogger Chicago_Sexbox said...


11:11 PM  
Blogger bomitoni said...

embrace your paleness! in mexico you could be a soap star!

9:17 AM  

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