Sunday, April 27, 2008

D.H.W. Sunday Night 8pm!

Every now and then I have a very butch moment that I even I have to question my sexuality. Fortunately immediately after one of these butch moments, I turn the volume back up on the stereo and resume dancing in the mirror while doing my best Cher impersonation of "If I Could Turn Back Time".

The other night I received the following text message: D.H.W. Sunday Night 8pm!.

I seriously had no idea what my friend was talking about. The first thing that crossed my mind was DSW. I couldn't figure out why he would want to go shoe shopping on a Sunday night. I received this text message while at work so I really didn't have too much time to ponder the hidden meaning behind. The following day I found out exactly what DHW stood for...........

For a split second I felt so butch, because unlike 99.9999% of gays across the world I have never watched Desperate Housewives, much less would I know what time it airs! Of course, this probably doesn't count as a true butch moment seeing that I really don't watch TV period (unless you count porn). Ever since Madonna inspired me to become a Kablablalist, I too have denounced the evil ways of television. I just feel like I am wasting time if I sit down and watch tv for a couple hours. HOWEVER, I will confess that if I did watch tv my favorite show would be.......

When I am on the treadmill at the gym this show always seems to be on and my 30 minute run goes by so fast. The show is so unbelievable crude, sleazy, tacky, trashy and soooo un-politically correct I can't help but be one of those annoying people who laugh out loud while watching the TV at the gym. Hey, if the straights can scream at the top of their lungs "go go go! Yeah MAN!" when there is a football game on, I can laugh when Stewie hosts a naked tea party and asks his guest for a "tea bag".

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Only Child Syndrome

I have been meaning to blog about this for awhile now but tonight I especially feel like venting so I suppose this is the perfect time.....

I was an only child growing up. Well, technically this isn't true because I have a half sister but she grew up in New York with her mother so she doesn't count. Anyone who is an only child can relate to what it is like to NOT have any brothers or sisters to share shit with. When you are an only child everything is about YOU! Whether you are rich or poor it doesn't matter. Being the only child puts you at the center of everything. This is what my childhood was like. I never had to share my toys or help my siblings with anything. Once I was an adult though I realized this was actually a bad thing. Since I never learned to share or think about others it was never second nature for me to do so. During my early 20's it was very hard for to take the time to think about doing favors for other people, sharing, or even acknowledging that I am not the only person in the world. I had to actually teach myself to do these things.

Now at "24", although I still have to remind myself occasionally, I am good at helping others, sharing, etc. However there comes a time when I finally get sick of always doing people favors without any gratitude in return. I have a life too and I am not waiting by the phone for someone to decide they could use my help at the last minute. I understand emergencies arise but when it is something that could have been planned better then there is no excuse. I am stressed out enough as it is.

So find someone else to fucking help you.

Thanks and have a nice day.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Lemonade $ale

I work in a very affluent and wealthy suburb of Chicago. I am normally not impressed by fancy cars or big houses but even I must say the mansions and multiple sports cars sitting in the drive ways is a bit intimidating. These people literally are millionaires. What confuses me though are the lemonade stands on every corner. Why the fuck are these rich spoiled brats having to sell lemonade? Certainly if their parents can afford a $3 million dollar home and 20 Mexicans to take of gardening they could also afford to give little Susie, Betty and Coby a fucking increase in their weekly allowance so they don't have to jump in front of my car screaming ?"Lemonade for sale!!!!!!"

Those kids are going to grow up to resent their parents big time for not having shared the wealth! Now, you know you will never see any of this lemonade nonsense in an impoverished ghetto Chicago hood. No one is going to risk getting ganked for their lemonade money. Besides, why sell lemonade when there is a greater demand for pot, coke, or crystal meth.

Silly suburbanites.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Fallen Divas

In the midst of rising gasoline prices, the brink of a national recession, political unrest in the Middle East and AIDS destroying the entire continent of Africa, I would like to call attention to a matter even far more tragic and pertinent to the world's future (at least from the perspective of a self absorbed superficial gay man, LOL)

Fallen Divas.

In particular, I would like to talk aboutKylie Minogue. What went wrong Kylie? Now, I will admit I have always given the "Australian Madonna" a hard time since her sister Dannii is the only Minogue that matters in my eyes, BUT I will not deny the immense international success this little Aussie diva has had these past 20 years despite remaining fairly unknown in the US. After poor brave Kylie battled and defeated cancer she returned.......looking horribly distorted. I know chemotherapy can make a person lose their hair, but how does it explain the freakishly swollen lips, new cheeks, an expresionless face, bad wigs and a scary wardrobe? I will tell you how that happens: Mix one part too much collagen, 20 parts botox, 2 parts facial implants and 1 part William Baker.

I love Kylie's comeback album, X but let's face it, it's flopping and Kylie sure isn't helping matters with embarrassing promotional performances like this:

or even tackier music videos like this:

I mean seriously, even Dannii's last video looked like a fucking Quentin Tarentino production compared to Kylie's "home shopping network" video. On a similar note, hey Kylie, Janet Jackson called. She wants her song back.

Kylie's "new" album was just released in the US and managed to sell a whopping 4,000 copies, debuting at #139. You go girl. Yo know, I really long for the days when Kylie was all cute and fierce and actually seemed to know what she was doing (or at least had the right people working for her to make sure she wasn't fucking up her career). Case in point:

You know, after watching the fall of Kylie, I truly have a new found respect for Mariah Carey, who was able to comeback after a VERY public mental meltdown. I mean, remember the TRL ice cream incident?

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Lesbians can be funny too.

Who said lesbians aren't any fun?

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

La Vida en 4 Minutos

As usual I have been so busy lately it's been hard for me to find time to update my blog. I LITERALLY have every single minute of my days planned out because if I am not studying for one exam, I have an assignment due for another class, or I need to tend to one of the several professional/student organizations I belong to, or I need to work, or go to the gym, or sleep....or.....

You get the picture. Being so busy often leaves me out of the loop with fun stuff that doesn't have to do with school or work. Thank god for the internet otherwise I would have no idea what's going on in the world. I also thank god for the fact my gym has cable tv. If it was for the tv on the treadmill I never would have known Juanes was going to be in Chicago last week Wednesday! Even though I waited until the last minute I was able to get excellent floor seats at the Allstate Arena. I went with Jorgillo and two of his coworkers. I had fun and I was very impressed with the show. Juanes is a great live performer BUT I was a little bitter that he didn't sing anything from his three time Latin Grammy winning debut album. WTF!

Anyhoo, other than that I have been frantically trying to keep up with all of the various obligations I mentioned above. I really can't complain though. I am doing well in school and this summer I will be starting my clinical rotations. The end is near.....sort of!

And speaking of keeping up with the entertainment world at the gym, can I just tell you I had one the most GAYEST moments at the gym the other day. I downloaded the new Madonna & Justin video and suddenly had a mob of homos around me at the gym trying to watch it with me on my iPod! LOL. I feel sorry for any non-Madonna fans who wanted to use the leg press machine for those 4 minutes. They simply couldn't through.

As for the video...I love it. It's fierce! While fallen aging divas like Janet Jackson and Kylie Minogue are struggling to maintain relevant in today's pop world (Janet's album is falling off the charts fast and Kylie's album hasn't even sold 1 million world wide yet! Yikes!) it's quite amazing to see a woman who will be turning 50 this year so effortlessly and flawlessly record a song and video with someone half her age WITHOUT looking ridiculous. Not to mention, this is SOOOOOO much better than the Britney duet she did a few years back. Madonna is fierce and she's got 4 minutes to let us know that!

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Si Una Vez

I don't think I have ever made a post commemorating the anniversary of Selena's death (or the 500 greatest hits albums that ensued thanks to her greedy father), but I came across this video on youtube and I thought it was quite amazing that Selena's music was able to touch and influence people from all walks of life, not just Tejanos. It's just sad that she didn't live to witness it.

Anyhoo, homegirl in this video does a pretty damn good job if you ask me!