Friday, August 29, 2008

Bitter & Cynical

I was so afraid this day would come. I had hoped and prayed its arrival would wait until I was at least 30 but the inevitable has occurred. Yes folks, I am joining the ranks of millions of other gay men across the world. I am officially bitter and cynical. My next step now is trying to figure out how I can make being bitter and cynical look absolutely fabulous and fierce. I am open to any suggestions. Maybe the answer will come to me when I am in Miami next week shopping. There goes my plan not to use those credit cards anymore!

So how did I realize I am officially bitter and cynical? Well, you would think this sort of revelation would come after the end of a long term relationship or some other significant change in my life. However, I think the onset has been gradually creeping up on me. I just seem to have noticed now. You see, I met a really nice, sweet guy a few weeks ago. He is college educated, can speak in complete sentences, doesn't smoke or drink AND has a full time job. I didn't think such a combination of so many positive characteristics was possible without at least one major tragic flaw to accompany really bad body odor. That wasn't the case here. What's so strange is that I SHOULD be excited and smitten and while I admit I look forward to having my first official date with this guy I can't help but feel......numb. Those butterflies in my stomach that I used to get years ago when I met a cute and funny guy doesn't happen anymore. All that remains are the dried up butterfly corpses being eaten away by the maggots of former disasterous dates.

Oh well. I guess there is nothing wrong with being bitter and cynical as long as I don't let it affect other aspects of my life. I am not going to become a nasty cunt to people around me just because my love life is in the shitter. It's not that serious. I will always have my vast pornography collection to keep me happy.

Let's just pray my hard drive never crashes!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

You're 29?!

Now, I am sure you might think the title of my post refers to my successful battle to cling to my youth and fight the signs of aging. I mean, I don't look a day over 12! However, I simply HAD to write about an embarrassing moment I had on the bus yesterday. For quite sometime I have been meaning to take a trip to the Godiva Chocolate Boutique at Water Tower Place. Now before you start to think I have abandonded my low-carb ways for a more sinful sugar filled existence, I must clarify that I was going to purchase the absolutely DELICIOUS and SUGAR FREE chocolate candy bars Godiva makes. They help me satisfy my sweet tooth without compromising my South Beach Living.

Anyhoo, where was I going with this, ah I am on the bus sporting my latest Diesel outfit and divalicious Prada sunglasses when I realized I was standing next to an acquaintance from the gym. So we started the usual small talk people do in these sorts of situations. The weather, weekend, daytime plans, anal beads, and Bukkake dominated the majority of our conversation. At some point though, my gym aquaintance asked my age. As tempted as I was to say "12", I decided that would look really tacky on my part. I mean, what 12 year old is so knowledgable about anal beads and bukkake? Um, ok, don't answer that. Anyhoo, I honestly told him my age, to which he replied, "Oh, I'm 29 too!". I immediately blurted in disbelief "You're 29?!" I realized how rude that just sounded so I tried to casually change the subject and pray to God I hadn't offended him. You see, up until that point I thought the guy was probably 39...not 29! Oops. Perhaps the one conversational piece we could have touched on was the importance of a daily moisturizer and sunblock.

So after all of these years priding myself in my Oscar worthy acting skills that I honed in my high school's drama club, I must admit that even I slip up and let my true reactions come through!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

"GrĂ¡balo todo, por tu puta madre"

Modern technology along with the internet is simply amazing. When I sit down in front of my iMac the entire world is suddenly at the tip of my fingers. Nothing seems too far to reach. For example, while I was unable to find the time (or money) to take a trip to Europe to see Kylie Mingoue's "X" 2008 tour, I did find out that it was broadcast overseas on television. Within minutes I was downloading the concert and converting it to a file compatible with my iPod. Once at the gym I connected my iPod to the fancy hi-tech treadmills and was watching Kylie camp it up onstage while I ran. I was probably the envy of all of the homos walking by that wished they too had Kylie to entertain them during their workout. As far as the concert's VERY good. i've been very hard on Ms. Minogue recently for questionable fashion sense and lousy music videos but she has redeemed herself. She finally has ditched the feathers and gone for something a bit more appropriate for her age and latest album. my favorite part is easily her performance of "Like A Drug". I love the giant skull and the lighting effects on the screens are FIERCE!

Another visual goodie I found online was the movie " [REC]". I am a huge horror film fan and realize most of Hollywoods productions are rip offs of foreign films. Well, this is the first time I am seeing the original foreign film FIRST before Hollywood can bastardize it. Released in 2007, this film is not available in the US but thanks to the internet I was able to download it and watch it as soon as I read about the soon to be released American remake, "Quarantine". The best way to describe this film is a cross between "28 Days Later", "The Exorcist" and "The Blair Witch Project" except scarier. The ending gave me nightmares!

And when did I have time to watch this movie? Well on the plane to Toronto! Last year I made a road trip to Toronto and stayed with a friend in the Gay Village. Well, there were still many things I wanted to see in Toronto so I decided to fly this time and pick up where I left off. My friend has since moved back to Australia but I did get a chance to meet with an internet friend of mine along with doing all of the usual cheesy touristy crap!

My only complaint was my hotel. The room was quite luxurious but the location was horrible. I was in the middle of nowhere! Thank god my big city wits allowed me to utilize Toronto's public transportation system without being intimidate otherwise I would have spent more money on taxi fare than what I spent on my plane ticket! I doubt I will be making another trip to Canada anytime soon. I've had my fill but if I ever can learn enough French I might be curious to travel to Montreal. I hear it is absolutely fierce!

And finally, another movie out now on DVD that is possibly my favorite of the year that I had a chance to see while on vacation is "The Orphanage". I have never been a fan of foreign films but lately so many good ones are coming from Spain. The trailer makes this film appear to be a lot scarier than what it really is. The movie is spooky at times but the overall story is more about a mother's love for her child than a bunch of ghosts. I highly recommend this one. The ending was absolutely stunning!


I rarely neglect my blog for so long but last week I was working on my final project for my internship. Then as soon as that finished I was off to Toronto for a couple days. I just got back yesterday and I have so much to catch up on. Expect a very long and thorough post later today or tomorrow filled with pictures, youtube videos, and scandalous details of the skankiest box of sex in Chicago!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Frighteningly Flirtatious

It's interesting watching how other people flirt. There are so many techniques and approaches. Sometimes a wink or a quick glance is all you need to show interest. Other people think a little physical contact is more appropriate, like a pat on the back or shoulder. Depending on the time and place I can be as subtle as a smile or as obvious as a crotch grab. I think the style of flirting should somehow reflect the desired final result. Do you want to take this person to go see Wicked or are you just looking for a quick hook up. Seeing that flirting must be tailored accordingly I must say there is certain technique rampant in the city of Chicago that simply boggles my mind: Fright Flirts!

Fright Flirts are those guys that just don't give you a look but stare you down like a predator eyeing its prey. Their eyes bug out of their heads and their facial expressions resemble that of someone who has overdosed on an illegal substance. That type of flirting doesn't evoke and butterflies in my stomach instead I usually reach for my cell phone as I comtemplate dialing 911. I have become increasingly aware of the Fright Flirts at the gym. It's so hard to concentrate on my work out when I everytime I look up someone is giving me a face of death!

In other news.....

My posts have been a bit scarce this week. I haven't been unusually busy but last weekend I was busy with the Market Days festival. I had several friends visiting from out of town so there was much obligatory partying to do! Most of this partying involved alcohol and half naked men. This weekend was another three day stretch of boozing. I am officially broke and tired! I need to detoxify myself before I go to Toronto next weekend! I have to start making a list of all of the dorky tourist traps I want to explore while I am there!

And can I say that as much as I love Chicago for all of its summer festivals, street fairs and parades, there is one spectacle I am glad is over with........

The Chicago Air and Water show is definitely a big deal but I live along the lakefront and having to hear those planes fly over head is nerve racking especially when it sounds like they are going to crash into my building!

Friday, August 08, 2008

Domestic Disability

I am sure I have blogged about my lack of domestic abilities that prevent me from ever exploring such areas as interior design or fine culinary arts. I am also domestically disabled when it comes to doing laundry. After all of these years I barely can remember to separate my whites and colors. I have ruined MANY expensive articles of clothing in the wash so I have tried to be at least a little more careful and read the care tags. The thing is, now I get paranoid to wash anything that says "Hand Wash Only" "Spot Clean Only" "Dry Clean Only", etc. I am worried I will fuck something up and destroy it. Well, I have a really nice white comforter that has a big "Do Not Machine Wash" tag on it. So after having it a year and trying my best to spot clean it when necessary it was starting to get gross. The last straw was when a recent trick of mine (he was black) must have had too much of those bizarre hair products black people use and left a huge grease stain on my comforter. If he hadn't been so cute I might have been angry about the geri curl (sp?) juice but I decided to just test my luck and throw the shit in the washing machine.......

And guess what?

Nothing happened. It didn't shred into a million pieces of turn a funny color. It came out of the wash whiter than when I bought it. My next trick will never suspect someone with greasy hair product ever slept in my bed! As Chava would say, "yayness in the anus!"

In other news I recently made my annual pilgrimage to Milwaukee. It was also my last trip I shall ever make to Milwaukee. I've decided not only do I have to sometimes close a chapter in my life but throw out the entire fucking book. I have made frequent trips to Milwaukee since moving to Chicago 6 years ago. However, as family members passed away and friends moved across country I found fewer and fewer reasons to waste the gas driving 90 miles to that shit hole. Now only one friend remains and she will hopefully be moving in the next two years so I have decided there is no need for me to ever return to Milwaukee again.

Good bye Moo Town and good luck!

Saturday, August 02, 2008

20/20 Twinkies

Today's post is somewhat related to my recent post about LGGQ's. Since last year I have noticed yet another trend when it comes to the sort of men I am attracting.....or should I say boys?

I feel almost kind of dirty and child molestor-ish to admit this but since turning 28 I have been pursued by so many 19 and 20 year olds! Fortunately they have all been cute, lol, but I simply can't figure this out. If I was a 50 year old rich white guy I could simply chalk this up to being a "Sugar Daddy". However, I am 100% sure I don't fall into the "Daddy" category. Maybe there needs to be a new category called "Big Brother" because that is exactly what it has felt like.

Honestly, I prefer guys around my age but it has been damn near impossible to ignore some of these little boys. Most of them have been extremely sexy and rather assertive for being so young. Keep in mind all of these boys have approached me and not the other way around! So do I feel guilty for dating or sleeping with a boy 10 years younger than hell no! The gay dating pool is already quite tainted by so many weirdos. Why should I further limit myself?

I say bring them on! Big Brother Sexbox has love for everyone old enough to vote!