Thursday, June 29, 2006

Happy Belated Pride

As I was reading this week everyone else's posts about their pride weekend, I realized I should do one too. So happy belated Chicago Pride! I had a good time Sunday. I missed the parade and arrived to Boystown late. Unfortunately no one really coordinated their schedules well and my friends were scattered all over Halsted. Once I started drinking I was all over the place too. Things didn't go as I would have liked them too but I still had fun. Next year I am making sure I do not take a vacation in June!

On a serious note, and please forgive me if I sound preachy, I would like to say that despite the excessive drinking I still have not lost sight of the true meaning of gay pride. Yes, the parade is boring as hell and I don't really feel bad having missed it, but I realize how fortunate I am to live in a city that embraces such an event. I also realize how unfortunate I am living in a country that still doesn't recognize the LBGT community as being equal. I will admit I can be one of the most self-absorbed, superficial and shallow people I know, but I try my best to do some good in this world and support the causes I believe in. I am not posting today to push advertise my own beliefs, but I would like to pass along a bit of advice to whoever happens to read this. Take responsibility for the world around you. Don't just simply "live". Do something postive with your life and make a difference in the lives of others!

I spent last year volunteering at the Howard Brown Health Center. Giving up even a few hours of my time every week was grueling, especially with school and work. For pride this year, I decided to become a memeber of the Human Rights Campaign. I may not have the time anymore to donate, but I made a financial sacrifice and gave up the $20 a month subscription I had to an internet porn site and put it toward a cause I am proud to be associated with.

It's so easy to get caught up in life's everday dilemmas, but I don't believe we should settle with simply being here. Surely there is more to life than that.

So in the words of Britney Spears "Get up out of your seat, Why don’t u do something?"

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Madonna Was Right!

After visiting New York, other places DO make me feel like a dork! Now I can appreciate Madonna's "I Love New York" just a little bit more.

All Madonna references aside though, I have had a BLAST this week in New York City. I won't give a drawn out boring minute by minute review of my trip, but here are some of the "Top 20" highlights, thoughts, and opinions of my trip.

1. This city is dirty as hell. Someone needs to do something about all the trash in the streets!

2. There is a Starbucks on every corner, literally. One day my friends and I even played a game. Every two blocks we stopped to check if there was a Starbucks within a one block radius. Let's just say we never worried about not having enough frappuchinos.

3. There is pizza everywhere. Yet all of it tastes like shit!

4. I was propositioned by female prostitutes at a porno shop. I was so surprised by this I just ran out of the place looking like a scared kid. If only they had been some hot MALE prostitutes that looked like Mario Lopez! Then I would have been happy!

5. The bathrooms in the gay clubs are like a bad episode of "Queer As Folk". For pee shy individuals like myself this indeed presented a challenge. It's very "hard" to concentrate on urinating with so much sex going on!

6. Roxy nightclub was fierce! In fact most of the bars/clubs I went to were fierce (well, my travel companions may disagree). I saw the most hilarious tranny show Monday night at Barracuda. Normally I am not a fan of trannies, but Candis Cayne was actually pretty, looked normal, and had the entire bar cracking up with her comedy stand up/drag show.

Splash bar was ok. I also went to this place on Friday night that had three levels. It was awesome! I forget the name......Opalime? Ovalint? Ovaltine? uh, whatever! it was on 39th Street between 5th and 6th Ave.

7. I saw a few z-list celebrities too. Kevin Federline walked into a store I was shopping at in SoHo. Jai from "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" was at the tranny show, and the "Gay Pimp" was out at the Opaltine place. The only "real" celebrity I met was Nelly Furtado at the Virgin megastore in Times Square. She is fierce! FORCA! FORCA! FORCA! :)

8. Even in a massive metropolis like New York, I was quickly reminded how small the world really is. While waiting for the subway one day I ran into a former acquaintance/fling I knew from Chicago. He moved to New York two years ago and I had no idea I would actually see him! He looked great so it's nice to see NYC is treating him well. Also, one of my Say Hey contacts apparently saw me out in the street one day, although we didn't actually meet.

9. I finally had the opportunity to meet my internet friend from the Kylie Minogue forum, Joe aka Kyles Beguiles. He is a fellow freestyle/Dannii/Kylie/pop music whore and we have been chatting for about 3 years. He was as fierce in person as he is online. We had a fun night drinking, eating macaroni & cheese and discussing all things Minogue. His friends were just as nice too.

10. Shopping!!!!!! Omigod, there may not be anything like Michigan Ave in Chicago, but New York has got some fierce stores. My feet are covered with blisters after having walked all over Manhattan.

11. HOT MEN!!!!! Ok, maybe it is because I don't live here, but I saw so many hot gay men! I even took some pictures of some random hot guys. I can't wait to develop those! For now I only have this pic of an underwear model at the Universal Gear store.

12 I hate Times Square. As one of my New Yorker contacts described it, it's a place for fat mothers with their fat kids from Nebraska who come to see "Mamma Mia".

13. While at the wax museum I went up to the Rosa Parks figure and told her "I am sorry Ms. Parks, I am going to have to ask you to go to the back of the museum. Thanks!" My friend videotaped that along with me fondling the wax figure of all of The Rock. Did you know they put nipples on those wax figures! Some 8 year old boy though looked a little bewildered as I molested the figures.

14. The subway system in this city rocks. Chicagoans have every right to complain about our CTA. It's a goddamn joke compared to New York!

15. SoHo is fierce. I highly recommend Cafe Bari if you get hungry. It's a cute and trendy italian restaurant on the corner on Spring and Broadway. It was filled with HOT Italian stallions watching the World Cup and the food was yummy!!!!

16. I have mixed feelings about the gay area, Chelsea. It wasn't as pretty as Chicago's Boystown (no surprise there of course), but it seemed more "lively". Of course, perhaps that was just all in my head. Also, the homos here are so friendly! People LOVE to flirt here. Some really hot guy gave me a free sample for razor bump lotion designed for black men. Now considering I am obviusly not a black man prone to razor bumps, I think it's safe to assume he gave me the sample just so he could say "hi".

17. The Statue Of Liberty is NOT worth the time. We spent almost 3 fucking hours waiting in lines and getting on a ferry just to stare up at some ugly green bitch's gross gangrened feet for 10 minutes. I would rather have wondered through the sewers of NY collecting cockroaches and rats.

18. Speaking of rats, holy shit. They are not kidding when they say there is a rat problem in this city. They practically take over entire blocks when the sun goes down!

19. Where are the Taco Bells, Walgreens and Chipotles???????

20. I loved New York. Would I come back? Definitely! Would I live there?'s definitely a possibility. For the next three years I must remain in Chicago. Once I finish school and assuming there is nothing holding me back, a move to NYC would be more than welcome.

Friday, June 16, 2006


So I am leaving for New York this Saturday and I will be returning the following Sunday (just in time for Chicago's Pride!). One of my travel buddies will have his lap top computer with him, but I doubt I will do any blogging while I am away. I know most of your lives will be cold, empty shells without my fierce posts, but deal with it bitches! I need to have fun!

However, before I leave I feel I must promote my dear Dannii Minogue one last time and remind everyone that her new album, The Hits And Beyond will be out in the UK June 19th!

You can hear clips from the album HERE!!!!!!!

You can order this on Amazon or bug your local music store to import it. There is even a special edition with a DVD! You can watch Dannii go from a teen queen sensation in the early 90's (Love & Kisses), to her transformation into a sophisticated pop princess in the mid 90's (This Is It) , to a sexy blonde bimbo of the late 90's (All I Wanna Do), to her more recent transformation into a sultry and sassy dancefloor vixen (Put The Needle On It, So Under Pressure).

An album like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, don't pass it up!

And for those of you who still haven't seen her most recent UK smash video, here it is!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Have You Confessed?

Well, I just got back from the Madonna concert. It was fierce :)
I will not give a full review though since I am lazy and I am sure there are already a zillion reviews online. I did notice many of the tragic, fashion impaired gays Steven had mentioned on his blog. Oddly enough, I think there were more drunk straight girls than homos.

Anyhoo, here are my random comments/observations:

1. What an odd setlist. Did we really need to hear "Drowned World" and "Paradise (Not For Me)". Bleh.

2. Um, that new version of Erotica was beyond fierce. it's a totally new song! I want it!

3. Where were Madonna's dancer for the first half of the show?

4. Like A Virgin. Need I say more?

So I leave you with Madonna's latest video for "Get Together", my favorite song from her album. I think Madonna was more worried about the tour than this single. It has awful artwork, horrible remixes and originally wasn't even going to have a video at all! Lucily they used animation and live clips and came up this....and it actually works quite well.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Jewel-Osco Self Checkout Lanes

When the Jewel Osco grocery stores introduced the self checkout lanes I was ecstatic. No longer would I have to stand behind stupid old people and/or retards fumbling with their coupons, food stamps, or wallets. You see, I knew all the poor, trashy, stupid and elderly people would be too intimidated by this new lanes while the technologically inclined individuals like myself would immediately embrace them. Well, I unfortunately underestimated the stupid people of the world. Some of them AREN'T initimidated by the talking computers and touch screens in the self check out lanes.

The way these lanes work is that you are supposed to WAIT until the person in front of you is DONE packing their groceries and has left. Many dumb fucks though seem to leave their common sense at home. On too many occaisions the impatient cunty bitch behind me has started scanning her items while my food is still on the conveyor belt. Our stuff gets mixed up, the conveyor belt stops and a clerk must come over and assist. The next time some dumb fuck does that to me I am taking their groceries and putting them in my bag. That will teach them to fucking wait the extra 2 seconds!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Jump To The G-A-Y Beat

I am a huge Dannii Minogue fan, so as her new single So Under Pressure is released in the United Kingdom this week (to be followed by her "Hits And Beyond" album next week) I feel obligated to promote my favorite Australian diva. The new album will actually be a collection of 15 of Dannii's UK top 20 singles plus 6 new songs. This past weekend Dannii gave a mini concert at the extremely popular G-A-Y nightclub in London. Kylie Minogue, Natasha Bedingfield, Sugababes, and even Mariah Carey have all performed at this legendary venue.

Dannii's show though had a surprise ending when her big sister Kylie brought her flowers and came up on stage. The two then sang a bit of acapella of Dannii's 90's classic, "Jump To The Beat". I guess it must be one of Kylie's favorites. Anyhoo, here is a clip from the concert, followed by the actual "Jump To The Beat" video (if you have never seen "pre-surgery Dannii" get ready for the shock of your life! lol)

Ronaldo's Balls

I want to play with Portuguese soccer sensation,Ronaldo Cristiano's balls! I will leave it up to my readers to figure out which balls I am referring to.

Yum. He is HOT!

As I am learning Portguese, I thought it would be helpful to explore a little bit of pop culture from the Portuguese speaking world. With the World Cup going on I figured it would be perfect by starting out with a cute soccer player! Oh how I love watching this sport. The men are so hot. They always take off their shirts and although they may not have big and buff torsos, they always have amazing thighs and asses!

Friday, June 09, 2006

Happy Anniversary

Let's all take a moment of silence to commemorate my 4th Anniversary here in Chicago!.

Yes, it was four years ago that I graduated from UWM, packed my U-Haul truck and made Chicago my new home. I am sure anyone who has moved to a new city knows how awkward it can trying to meet people and make friends. I was very fortunate to have known at least 2 people in the city. I was even more fortunate to re-meet my Milwaukee Sister. My Chicago experience wouldn't have been the same!

Despite the difficult first year, I am so happy I left Milwaukee. I shudder to imagine what kind of putrid existence I would have endured had I stayed there. I am sure it is a nice place for some people, but Milwaukee couldn't give me the life or future I desired, so I took a chance and here I am!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006


Today's date is 6-6-6! How cool! I am sitting here right now thinking of all of the demonic and evil things I can do before the day is over. Making a small child cry and scaring an old person is definitely on the top of my list. Does anyone have any other creative ideas? Perhaps I could send one of those anonymous "I have an STD and you should probably get checked too" emails? Nah, I need to do something far worse than that! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Ironically, on this day of satan, the Hollywood Royalty edition of the camp classic "Mommie Dearest" is released on DVD!

Believe it or not I have never seen this movie, only small clips on You Tube. Hopefully I can watch it this weekend. You see, my own mother made Joan Crawford look like "Mother Of The Year". I already completely identify with the dirty bathroom scene in which Joan wakes up her daughter in the middle of the night so they can start scrubbing the hell out of the bathroom floor. I remember one early Sunday morning when my mother was having one of her "moments" and suddenly yanked me from my sleep screaming like a mad woman about how I was "ruining her life" and that I was "lazy and stupid" bla bla bla. Anyhoo, it turned out she was upset that I had gotten water on the bathroom sink. No, I am not joking. For the rest of the day she did not stop yelling and informing me of what a horrible son I was.

Oddly enough, my mother was always very fond of wire hangers!

Well, now that my mother is dead, I can look back on these fond memories and laugh at them. Maybe I could make a "Mommie Dearest Part 2"?

I leave you with this HILARIOUS mash of Mommie Dearest scenes with scenes from the movie "Evil Dead", another camp classic!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Str-8 Acting

So I mentioned a few posts ago I had a disastrous date last weekend. I refrained from giving any details because I was not sure if I was going to give the guy another chance or not. However, I have decided he was a loser. A nice loser, but a loser nonetheless.

Ok, I have no problem with gay men whether they be big flaming queens or big butch leather daddies. I say just be comfortable with yourself and leave the bitterness in the closet. I can even overlook when guys use that "str-8 acting" term to describe themselves. Although I must say, all the straight men I come into contact on a daily basis are of the "Don Knotts" or "Ned Flanders" variety, so that description definitely carries a negative connotation for me.

Anyhoo, my date was one of these self proclaimed "masculine men", despite the fact he showed wearing pink pastel plaid shorts (we already know how I feel about pastels!) and a pink tank top. Now, mind you, I like pink (see swimsuit above), but I could never go on and on about how masculine I am while wearing my pink speedos AND keep a straight face. I felt like I was on a date with She-Ra's pal Glimmer

Like I said though, that's not a big deal, but it gets worse. Glimmer lived in the heart of Boystown (Chicago's gay hood) yet spent half of the night going on and on about how "I don't like the gay scene...bla,bla,bla....I don't fit in......bla,bla,'s so not me....bla,bla,bla......i'd rather got to a bar with a mixed crowed of gay and straight guys....bla,bla,bla."

I had to bite my tongue from saying "You don't like the gay scene? Sweetie, you live in Boystown, you ARE the gay scene. In fact, you are the fucking Giant Pink Gay Scene Mascot!"

I hate when people have to stress how "alternative" they are. Anyone that has to go out of their way to show you how different they are, are just as bad the mindless sheep that follow whatever trend is popular at the moment. I say just be yourself. Doing otherwise just makes one look pretentious and having serious identity issues.

And finally, may I point out how bizarre it is that this guy is one second telling me how he wants to meet guys but in the next sentence he is saying how he prefers to be in mostly straight environments. Um, common sense would say that you are less likely to meet a gay guy in a "mixed" bar than an "all gay" bar. But then again, he did mention his bad habit of falling for straight guys. I guess that explains a lot!

Someone cancel my subscription, I don't want anymore issues!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

The Ghetto Ain't What It Used To Be

I love Chicago. I really do. However, every now and then when the traffic is really bad on the expressway and I have to take city streets I realize large portions of the West Side and South Side are fucking shit hole ghettos.

I didn't exactly grow up in the best of neighborhoods in Moo-Town, but let me tell you the ghettos of Milwaukee are a fucking amusement park compared to the wasteland war zone ghettos of "Chi-Town". What's even more disturbing is how some of these already horrifying and disgusting areas seem to be taking a turn for the worse (and I thought that was impossible!)

1. What happened to the good ol' days when ghetto trash sold drugs to make a living? Why must they try to wash my car windows with their dirty toilet bowl water? Surely there is some poor woman with 8 children, living in a house filled with trash and human/animal feces, that is in desperate need of some crack, weed or maybe even crystal meth? How is this woman going to raise her chirrens without the recreational drugs she so desperately needs? Lord knows I would need several lines of coke to keep up with 8 little bastards. Those fuckers wasting time soliciting their unwanted window washing skills really need to reevaluate their career choices.

2. Did they stop teaching ghetto kids to look both ways when crossing the street? I think so because in the ghetto, people seem completely oblivious to the fact there is traffic in the street about to hit their asses as they wonder into the road trying to talk to one of their "homies". I miss the days when the number one cause of death in the ghetto was gang violence and not traffic accidents. As if I want blood and Fubu smeared on my car!

3. And since when did Mexicans decide to give up selling mangoes and corn with their cute little carts? Now I got the fuckers knocking on my window trying to sell me socks!

What is this world coming to???????????????????