Sunday, October 28, 2007

Smokers Suck Satan's Cock!

In about two months all smoking will be banned from bars and night clubs in Chicago and I couldn't be happier! To be quite honest, I don't have anything against smokers. I simply don't feel sorry for the ones who oppose this ban. I understand that in any bar or night club there will be a sub population of party goers who annoy everyone else with their bad habits. For the most part though I can ignore these people. To combat the sloppy drunken alcoholics that step on my feet, I began to wear sturdier shoes. The coke heads crowding the bathroom stalls have been nuisances but the option to use a urinal has always alleviated that problem. The party boys on ecstasy are probably the only group with a bad habit that actually benefits others. They don't hold up the line at the bar since all they want is a bottled water and not some fancy martini. They also allow more space on the dancefloor since they all eventually end up in a corner hugging themselves (or passing out from dehydration). Smokers on the other hand are hard to deal with. I learned to accept the fact I would smell like cigarette smoke after a night of clubbing however there is one thing smokers do that is completely unforgivable and is deserving of capital punishment in my opinion...........burning people with their fucking lit cigarette!!!!!!!!!!

Some guy burnt me the other night and I just about smashed his head into the floor. Rarely do I ever get such violent urges when I am out drinking but there is something about having a huge chunk of my flesh burned off that pisses me off!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Hey there Delilah!

You're boyfriend is a fag. While he is a thousand miles away from you in Buttfuck, Arkansas he is doing just that: getting butt fucked by the entire football team. Sorry to break the news to you Delilah, but surely that queer ass song he wrote for you (that I am forced to hear all of the fucking time) tipped you off? I mean, what a whiny pussy! What straight guy would write such sentimental shit? They don't have time for that when there is football game to watch. Oh, but at least he was honest about one thing. Times Square definitely doesn't shine as bright as you! But that's probably cuz your fat ass standing in front of it is like a lunar eclipse.

So tell me Delilah, what IS it like in New York City knowing you were just another fat girl used as a cover for a closet case queer?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Touch Her Like That

Here is Dannii Minogue's brand spanking new music video for her soon to be world wide smash hit single (in collaboration with super producer/DJ Jason Nevins) Touch Me Like That! As usual Dannii pushes the boundaries for a truly satisifying visual experience! I mean who else would bring us futuristic robo-lipstick lesbians?

Saturday, October 20, 2007


I just got home tonight after seeing the latest Luna Negra performance at the Harris Theater in Millenium Park tonight. I went with my Lesbian Friend and we had a wonderfu night.....well, except for the crappy over priced restaurant we ate at. I think it was called "La Estrada"? Anyhoo, it's on the corner of Randolph and Michigan Avenue and I DO NOT recommend it at all unless you like expensive, pretentious restaurants that don't know how to cook their food and have a staff that appears to be intoxicated with some sort of illegal substance. As for the show, it was great. I never thought I would become such a fan of ballet. Perhaps I really am getting old, lol.

My original plans for after the show were to head to Halsted St and get drunk. Since moving back to Boystown I have yet to take advantage of the fact I am once again just a 5 minute walk from all of the bars and clubs. I simply have had no time with school and the move. Well, I decided with another big pharmacology exam this Monday I should do the responsible thing and study the rest of the weekend. Anyhoo, the point of bringing this up is not to bore everyone with stories of my studious nature but to point out that although I haven't had much time to re-explore the neighborhood, within the first week I moved back I found out my favorite person in Boystown is still here.

Who might that person be?

Well, if you are from Chicago and have ever been to the 24 hour Walgreens on Belmont and Broadway then chances are you have been checked out by the crazy black lady, Maureen! Now, I am not making fun of Maureen. I think she is possibly the fiercest Walgreens cashier to ever walk the earth. She is always so excited to check people out. Her eyes bug out of her face, she cackles like a crack fiend and gets more excited scanning items than Lindsay Lohan at an all-you-can-snort cocaine bar. Maureen is always sure to comment on everything you are purchasing too. I love it. Only Maureen can make my simple purchase of chapstick and toilet paper into a fun filled extravaganza. And when she gives you your change she makes sure to let you know you are getting a nice crispy Mr. Lincoln or Mr. Jackson, lol. Maureen is truly a gem. I don't think I can adequately describe a Maureen experience in words (did I mention she talks like she just came from the plantation?) but once you experience her you will never want to go to another cashier again! Well, unless you were that poor middle aged white lady buying KY Jelly. Hence the title of my post.

My friend Michelle was the one who actually witnessed this but we still laugh about it three years later. As I mentioned, Maureen likes to announce out loud every product you are buying. (She means well. She usually catches alot of sale items and finds the coupon for you). Well one day a womn was discreetly buying some KY but when Maureen scanned it she yelled out loud in her ebonics accent "LOO-BRAH-KAY-SHUN!". According to Michelle the poor woman looked like she wanted to die. Michelle and I almost died too......from laughter.

I am so happy to see Maureen and I can't wait for my next trip to Walgreens. Maybe I will even pick up some loo-brah-kay-shun while I am there.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

J-Lo doin' it well!

This past Sunday, I went with Private Dancer to see the one and only Jennifer Lopez live in concert at Chicago's United Center! We had AMAZING level 100 seats right by the stage. Before La Lopez took the stage her husband #324, Marc Anthony sang a nice set list comprising mostly of his biggest salsa hits from the 90's: "Y Hubo Alguien", "Te Conozco Bien", and "Hasta Ayer". He mixed things up with more recent songs from his "El Cantante" movie and two of his biggest english language hits, "You Sang To Me" and "I Need To Know". Marc doesn't have the same sort of stage presence that his wife does but she doesn't have the kind of voice he does! It was hard to believe such a big voice was coming from such a tiny person! I couldn't get a good picture of Marc because the lighting was terrible but he did work it in a fierce Versace outfit.

The filled United Center went nuts when J-Lo finally came on. She looked amazing....and most definitely pregnant! There was no hiding that belly but she worked it no matter what! She sang most of her big hits, throwing in a hi-energy remix of "Waiting For Tonight" and a fireworks laiden performance of her recent spanish language #1 song, "Que Hiciste". The woman in me came out during that one! I am sure the little old ladies sitting behind me enjoyed my own fagtastic performance, lol.

Jennifer closed her solo set with "Let's Get Loud" and had everyone (even the little old ladies behind me!) on their feet. As an encore Marc and Jennifer came out and performed two of their duets. was so sweet seeing J-lo and her manorexic hubby radiate so much love on stage!

On a side note, before I went to the concert I had read J-lo was lip syncing for the tour. Well, I don't think that was the case (at least not here in Chicago) because during one song she forgot the lyrics! She laughed it off and said "omigod, this has never happened to me before!" and picked up with the chorus. Unlike Beyonce though she didn't beg people not to post the blooper on You Tube!

I was so tired the next day for school since Private Dancer insisted we go out after the concert but I suppose it was nice to take a little break from my horribly hectic schedule. School has been kicking my ass this quarter!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Fat Girl Sunday

Since the beginning of the year I have drastically reduced the amount of junk food I eat. I couldn't even tell you the last time I ate at Taco Bell. However, every now and then I do like to indulge by having a "Fat Girl Sunday". That is when I take a Sunday off of my usual diet and pig out on one of my favorite comfort foods. Today I ate an entire bag of Jewel Osco fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. They are the best cookies I have ever tasted and that probably has to do with the fact that each cookie has 2 grams of trans fat! Well, I just ate 18 of them. Yummy! I can feel my arteries hardening as I type this!

Well, at least I will have extra energy tonight for the Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony concert! Expect a review later on this week!

Friday, October 12, 2007


You thought Madonna was the queen of reinvention? Think again! Dannii Minogue is about to rinvent motherfucking history on November 5th! How so you ask? Well, on November 5th her pop magesty will change forever the meaning of "D-Day". No longer will "D-Day" be associated with that boring and totally un-fierce World War II, but it will be known as the day Dannii "unleashes" some of her rarest and most hidden audio gems (and I am not talking about her silicon breasts either!)

Sit down for this one kiddies....

I recently posted news about Dannii's television comeback in the UK as a host on their version of "American Idol", "The X Factor". In addition to the re-issues of her modern day classic ode to electro pop, Neon Nights and her dazzling dance/pop epic from 1997, Girl, Dannii is treating her fans to Unleashed which will feature several unreleased remixes and new songs! In addtion, there will be a DVD released to feature ALL of her music videos (even the crappy ones that were only aired in Japan!), live performances and a behind the scenes look at Dannii in the recording studio.

It doesn't stop there folks. In December Dannii is teaming up with the legendary super producer/remixer Jason Nevins on her NEW single, "Touch Me Like This", from her forthcoming 5th studio album!

Dannii does it better once again. It saddens me to report that her much OLDER sister Kylie simply can't keep up. Her new song "2 Hearts" sounds like a Scissor Sisters rejected unfinished demo and don't even get me started on her new "granny look". I know she is a cancer survivor but she is also rich. The bitch could afford SEVERAL new stylists because her current one clearly doens't like her. I've seen 80 year old trannies wearing their wife's chemo wigs at Hunters that looked less tragic that Kylie lately. Perhaps Dannii could give Kylie some tips!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

My New Boyfriends Part 2

With a new neighborhood comes a new gym. While I wait for the new (and soon to be fiercest gym in Chicago!) Lakeview Athletic Club to open in November, I am working out at the sister club, Lincoln Park Athletic Club. I will admit at my old gym there was the occasional Bollywood hottie but for the most part those men just looked horribly malnourished and were in desperate need of fashion advice. I mean, I do find Indian men to be hot but not when they look like prisoners of war at a K-Mart boot camp. I completely forgot what it's like to go to a swanky and trendy northside gym! Woo hoo! There is Beefaroni all over the place. I practically want to chase all of the hot guys and lick the sweat off of the equipment they just used! Oh wait, that sounds kind of gross, nevermind.

Anyhoo, what is so wonderful about all of these hot Lincoln Park muscle gym rats is the fact that they inspire me to go to the gym too! I mean, the alternative to spending an hour or two at the gym would be to sit at home. Since all of my sex slaves escaped during the move there really are no hot guys for me to stare at in my apartment so I might as well get off my but, put on my cutest jock strap and head to the gym!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

"Call me if u get horny :) "

Um, no thanks.

The title of my post was a text message I received Sunday nigh from someone who I WOULD NOT want to have sex with. It took much self restraint to not reply with the following:

"That's ok. I'd rather have my eyelids ripped off and be forced to watch 12 hours of granny lesbian porn."

Well, as you can I am finally back online. My internet got hooked up today. I am loving my new apartment. Does that mean I am going to stay here awhile? hell no. I'm a gypsy and will probably move another 10 times in the next 5 years but for now I am content! I suppose that is the only advantage of renting and not owning. That and not having to fix anything in the house if it breaks! I don't know enough lesbians to help me with that sort of thing.

I must also say how nice it is to be back in my old 'hood. So much has changed in these two short years. New restaurants, new stores, new faces, etc. This neighborhood has always been considered the "gayborhood" and well, it still is without a doubt, but I think now the "gayness" has metamorphasized into "tolerance and awareness". I think the new Center On Halsted is the primary example of this but the inhabitants of the neighborhood play an important role also. I walk down Broadway and I see a plethora of young straight yuppy couples walking hand in hand with their 2.5 children along with the many uber hot gay couples walking hand in hand with their dogs (and sometimes children too!). You know, it's so amazing to think that when these little kids grow up they won't see people as being gay or straight, they will see people as neighbors, friends and coworkers. It's too bad not every neighborhood in the country could foster such incredible tolerance for people from all walks of life.

You know with my busy schedule I rarely get the chance to see a movie in the theaters. Now that my move is over with (did I mention my apartment is looking fierce with all of the shit I got at Ikea and World Market?????) I am hoping I can get to see "Resident Evil: Extinction". I was at FYE the other day (one of the few music retailers left in the Chicagoland area!) and I noticed all of the horror DVD's were on sale. The first two Resident Evil movies were recently released together on a double DVD set that also inculded a free movie ticket to see the new film. The double DVD was only $16!!!! That's a steal so I making sure I get to the theaters before this thing expires. I don't care if I even have to be a loser and see Extinction by myself! lol

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

My Anonymous "Friends"

The move went well. I am horribly busy trying to unpack and stay caught up with school and sleep. I still have no internet at home but as soon as I do I plan on writing a proper post. For now though, I have a few minutes to kill at the computer school lab and there is an interesting revelation I wanted to share.

I don't think my life is particularly fascinating so it is always a surprise to see who has left comments. I suppose people read my blog the same reason I read theirs. I'm nosey! lol I especially enjoy other bloggers from Chicago as their blogs often introduce me to new restaurants, shows, neighborhoods, cafes, bars, etc that I might not have discovered on my own. I must thank my fellow Chicago blogger, Luis, for introducing me to the Google statistics option. That has allowed me to find out even MORE about the visitors to my blog. And wow, have I found out some shady things.

Anyone is free to leave a comment on my blog. Most people who do leave one have a blogger account so I know who they are. Occaisionally I get an "Anonymous" comment. Sometimes the "anonymous" person is just a friend who doesn't have an account (my favorite "kylie fan" or my favorite "cunty bitch"). Sometimes the "anonymous" is truly a random stranger (I recall one guy from LA leaving comments awhile back). BUT, sometimes I get an "anonymous" comment and I can't help but suspect it really isn't so "anonymous" based on the writing style and general tone of the comments.

Well, I recently found a way to compare the IP addresses of blogger members who have left comments with the IP addresses of some of the "anonymous" commentors. Much to my surprise many of the addresses matched. What does this mean? Well, it means I have some shady "anonymous friends" who seem to get off leaving rude comments but don't have to balls to say who they are. Does this make me angry? Not at all! In fact, I doubt I will even bother confronting this person/persons. I figure they will probably read this post too and feel like a dumb ass since their attempt to be sneaky and anonymous wasn't as sneaky and anonymous as they would have liked.