Sunday, April 29, 2007

Baby can you play with fire?

You made me feel I wasn’t enough, wasn’t enough for your love
But it was insecurity that made you run, it wasn’t me

Who would have thought Hilary Duff was going to come up with one of the best pop albums of 2007? I know I didn't. But what I want to know is who done did Hilary wrong?? Girlfriend is pissed on so many songs and she doesn't bite her tongue (see quoted song lyrics above). I swear, hell hath no fury like an angry rich white girl with horse teeth! LoL

BUT, I am not writing tonight about how great Hilary Duff's new album is. I am writing about how great life can be. Sure there are those days when life kicks you in the head, stomps on your face and shits all over you. You know, like when you are reprimanded by your boss in front of all of your coworkers or when a close friend totally betrays your trust or (as in Hilary's case) you get dumped/dissed. It's times like those that all of your self esteem and pride seem to vanish into thin air. You just feel absolutely worthless.

Lord knows I have felt that way recently, but I was reminded of a very important life lesson tonight. No matter how shitty things get some times, what goes around comes around and sometimes it's best just to let life takes its shitty course and wait for things to get better so you can savor every moment. You know, like when that boss ends up losing his job, or that two timing friend finds him/herself sad and lonely with no one to turn to or when you see that former love interest that totally dissed and dumped you dancing with someone that is way uglier and way older than feels great! It's like a natural high because all of that self esteem and self worth you thought had done walked out the door for good comes rushing back to you all at once.

Yes folks, life may be filled with its ups and downs but those of us who are patient evetually realize one thing........................LIFE IS GRAND!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Ricky Martin: Blanco Y Negro 2007

Last night I had the pleasure of finally seeing my husband, Ricky Martin, live in concert. To be quite honest I didn't know what to expect. I was not familiar with Ricky's reputation as a live performer. I have his "Unplugged" concert on DVD but I figured this tour was going to be a little more extravagant than his acoustic session for MTV. After last night though I can conclude that not only is he amazingly SEXY but he is one of those live performers that leave you in awe. He gave 120% on stage. He was jumping up and down all over stage, doing backflips, standing on his head and at one point he literally climbed up the wall to sing atop an elevated platform. Madonna, as physically agile as she is, ain't got nothing on Ricky's acrobatics! lol

And can we say what an amazing vocalist????? His voice is simply stunning. It's a shame that in this country he will for the most part be known as the "Livin La Vida Loca" guy but fortunately his fans who have were there before he ever recorded in english and continue to support his still massively successful spanish language albums today know how truly talented this man is. I think my favorite part of the concert was when he took a few minutes to actually speak to the audience and explain the concept behind the tour. There were huge video montages of a naked Ricky floating in a water that seemed to resemble a fetus in the womb. Ricky went on to say how far he has come spiritually and that he finally understands the meaning of "gratitude". It was a bit cheesy, I will admit, but I think by actually talking to the audience like that he made the atmosphere feel so much more personal. I couldn't help but think back to Gloria Estefan's last tour. She did the same and despite the fact i was seeing her in a large venue I felt like I was hanging out with her in her living room.

As for the setlist, it was varied and quite unexpected. His hit songs like "She Bangs" and "Te Extraño Te Olvido Te Amo", "Juramento" and "Nobody Wants To Be Lonely" were oddly missing. Classics like "Living La Vida Loca" and "Maria" appeared with entirely new arrangements while some of his more obscure songs like "It's Alright", "Drop It On Me", and "Revolucion" fell in between more popular songs like "La Bomba", "The Cup Of Life", "Vuelve" and "Asignatura Pendiente". He ended the concert with two encores, 2003's #1 "Tal Vez" and his most recent #1 song, "Tu Recuerdo".

And finally can I just say how much I LOVE how he dresses? I have always admired his ability dress in such a way that he exudes masculinity with just the right amount of flamboyance!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Suppository Shits

So the other day I realized I had gone two days without taking a shit. This truly concerned me. I am probably the most regular person you could ever meet. My bowel movements are probably the only thing about me that are punctual. Ironically we were just learning about constipation at school so I put my new knowledge to use to choose the most appropriate over the counter product for my unfortunate situation. I walked to Walgreens and picked up some glycerin suppositories. I loved the look the girl at the register gave me. I just smiled proudly as I left the store anxiously awaiting the massive dump I was about to pharmacologically induce!

Those suppositories were a little slippery but I suppose that was a good thing. I am not the loose goose my blog posts might seem to suggest. So I waited 20 minutes until I suddenly felt the urge to take a shit. At first it didn't seem any different from my other trips to the bathroom. I was almost disappointed. I mean, after not going for two days I wanted something memorable! I wanted fireworks, sparks, bells...something! Well, let me say my new glycerin buddies didn't let me down. Within moments I felt like I was giving birth to an alien life form. Horrible cramps shot through my pelvic region. I had to grip onto the toilet paper roll just to keep myself from rocketing off the toilet as two days worth of digested goodies came rushing out of me.

Wow, I am so glad I am not a woman. I can only imagine what labor feels like! Ooh, and let's not even think about the aftermath. At least I didn't have to worry about finacially supporting my turds for the next 18 years!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Things That You Never Knew That You Never Knew

Well, if last week was busy due to the profusion of social obligations I had, this week was super busy because of my academic commitments. Last weekend I drove 40 miles north of Chicago to visit Abbott Laboratories, possibly one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world.

The trip was arranged by my school and was meant to provide some insight into the variety of career paths pharmacists can choose from in industry (marketing/sales, quality assurance, research, clinical trials of new drugs, etc). As informative as the visit was, I was a bit disappointed because we basically sat in a conference room riddled with audio-visual technical problems the entire morning. Nevertheless it was exciting to see what is out there........especially when I heard for the billionth time the other day "don't pharmacists just count pills". I no longer correct people who say this. I figure ignorance is bliss and I just don't have the time to fight all of the ignorance in the world when there are more important things I could be doing like getting drunk or having sex.

Speaking of such important things, anyone who has even briefly glanced at my blog has probably realized music is a big part of my life. The funny thing about music is there is just so much out there and sometimes I find myself liking a band without realizing it. This can be good or bad. Trust me I was damn near suicidal when I finally was able to admit I liked and Ashlee Simpson song. Fortunately through much prayer and recreational drug use to distract me I resisted the temptation to buy her stinky album.

I listen to the radio a lot at work and I often find myself knowing all of the lyrics to so many songs that I really hate or I don't know who sings them. I was humming that "I chimed in haven't you people ever heard of closing the (goddamn?) door...." song for months before I realized I had been singing along to Panic At The Disco. (Ewwwww....just for the record I hate that song with a passion!) However a good recent revelation was that about 5 songs that I have become a casual fan of due to the repetitious radio play over the past two years are all by the same group......The Killers. What the fuck. I swear this is George Bush's plan to convert all of the homosexuals of the country from Cher loving queens to Commercial "indie" rock queens. But I will admit, I have fallen victim to his devious plan and actually purchased the Killers' albums. Let's just hope next week I am not blogging about my born again Christianity and that my only hope for salvation is changing my evil sodomistic ways and becoming straight.

So that was something that I never knew that I never knew. I am a Killers fan. What's even more shocking is I don't know if the lead singer is cute or not. I will be mortified if I get the cd and he is one of the greasy, pimply, over tattoed, and scary manorexic types that tend to dominate this genre. I only allow cute boys to be in my cd collection damn it!

And one last thing......Congratulations to Ultra Nate's NUMBER ONE single on Billboard's Dance/Club charts!!!!!!!! I am telling you, I know a hit song when I hear it! Pick up her new album next month bitches! (May 22). See my previous post for the video of "Automatic".

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Me and My Automatic Imagination

They say April showers bring May flowers. Well, with this weather lately I think that is a bunch of bull shit, but one thing can be for May I am going to be getting some fucking FIERCE new music. Perhaps Shitty April Music (Como Ana Una Mujer) brings Fucking Fierce May Music? I think so! Ultra Naté, the original house music diva, is finally back with a new album in May and her cover of the Pointer Sisters's "Automatic" is beyond fierce. I can't get enough of the video. I have been patiently waiting 6 years for a new album and my homegirl has definitely made it worth the wait!!!!!

Also, back in March I was going nuts over the new Sophie Ellis Bextor song. Well as she prepares to release her long awaited third album in May, sheteases us with her latest video, "Me and My Imagination". It's not as fierce or as sexually charged as Ultra's video but it's definitely something I can't wait to put on my iPod!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

My New BFF

The other day at work someone assumed I was still in my early 20's. Oh how I wanted to just hug that person. People who make comments like that immediately become my new best friend forever! Well, as long as they don't expect any favors in return. I am far too selfish for that.

This past week has been another busy one. I have been feeling like such a slutty socialite lately. I don't know how that poor Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie can keep up with their busy schedules! Men here, a martini there, a party here, an orgy there, a few lines of coke in the bathroom while security is pounding on the stall door because they assume you are once again in there receiving oral sex. *sigh*

But I digress.

Thursday night was an nice midweek break from monotony. My new Brazilian "friend" invited me to Roscoe's 20th anniversary party. The first half of the night was an exclusive VIP event with lots of free food, 80's music videos (courtesy of the fabulous VJ Bobby) and most OPEN BAR!!!!! Woo hoo! My date and I took advantage of that shit! Needless to say by 11pm I was exhausted and experiencing acute liver failure. I was upset when I woke up the next day without a hangover. I could have stayed out even longer and got more drunk! Damn it!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Como Ama Un Joto

Oh how my dear boriqua sister let me down. My loins moistened the first time I heard J-Lo's most recent single, "Que Hiciste". It was like a dream come true. The video saw her finally leaving behind the peroxide and bad highlights and embracing her latina roots. Then I began to hear that her anemic and manorexic husand, Marc Crapthony, had gotten his skinny little paws in this project. It was at that moment I began to brace myself for the worst. Although I still wanted to cling to the hope that J-lo would deliver a fagalicious album filled with dance ditties a la "Una Noche Mas" or more generic ethnic pop songs like "Que Ironia", I knew it was not meant to be. Instead her husband put his trademark sappy vomit inducing ballads all over the place.


If the title of the album is any indication of how J-lo "loves" well then she must be one dried up frigid boring fuck in the bedroom because there is no other way to interpret this mess. I mean, we couldn't even get a Pablo Flores dance remix? What the fuck! I think I would have even preferred another pseudo hip-hop attempt in which she tries to convince the world how "real" she is (all the while she is surrounded by 500 assistants and threatens to kill her neighbor's poodle to make a new fur coat).

Well, I was foolish enough to actually buy this album at Targhetto so I do plan on getting some use out of it. I think this album will fall into the "homework music" category much like Alejandra Guzman's last album did. "Homework music" is what I listen to when I study. It's just so dull and boring it never distracts me!

Anyhoo, moving along now....

So as my previous post suggested, this past week has felt like it was raining men. At one point I realized I was juggling four potential gentleman callers at once. Well, I am not ashamed to admit I know how to pimp them hoes but there comes a point when even yours truly has to realize when too much is too much. So I had to let Gentleman #1 go first because he was becoming a pesty stalker. I trusted my intuition and cancelled that subscription because I didn't want anymore issues! Gentleman #2 might serve as a good fuck buddy, but I am not going out of my way to call him. If he wants the goodies he can call me, damn it! Gentleman #3 turned out to be faker than Pamela Anderson's breasts. Enough said. So that leaves me with Gentleman #4. I defintiely see potential there. He's hot, he's nice and so far he has not demonstrated any stalker tendencies (or equally disturbing psychotic behavior). He appears to be drug free too. I remember the good old days when I had to ask guys if they had a condom. Now I have to make sure they aren't crystal meth queens! Well, he does use poppers occasionally but I can overlook that. I mean, if poppers and a glass of wine is what it takes to get his dookie shoot loosened up for some hot homo butt love then so be it! Fortunately for him I am not as high maintenance. All I need is an ample amount of lube and I am all ready for some back door action.

Oops, was that too much information?

Friday, April 06, 2007

So Many Men, So Little Time

I like to consider myself a religious blogger. When I go a few days without seeing my random thoughts on the computer screen I get a bit antsy. When I don't blog it's generally because I am fucking busy but for the first time ever I can say I have been busy not because of school or work but because my personal life has suddenly gone into over a very very very good way! Hmmm...I am going to wait a few more days before I dedicate a proper post describing all that is going on. For now let's just say I have men suddenly popping out from everywhere. It's getting a little out of control to be quite honest. However I shall not complain. About a month and a half ago I was upset that a certain situation didn't turn out the way I had hoped so I guess this is just God's way of making up for a shitty February! LOL

The lord truly does work in mysterious ways!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Belanova And Peter Rauhofer

This weekend was a blast! I feel so spoiled. Two weeks ago I had an incredible b-day weekend and now this weekend was probably just as fun and crazy!

Saturday night started out with the Belanova concert at the Congress Theater. I didn't even want to originally go to the concert because I had been so disappointed by their last show in November. You know, I love this group. Their two albums are in constant roatation on my iPod but as a live act they are fucking boring. Never again! Senior citizens at a nursing home could have put on a more interesting show.

After the concert, Jorgillo and I rushed to Circuit.......

WOW! WOW! WOW! I though we would be early arriving at 11:45pm but the place was already packed beyond belief. I honestly have never seen Circuit so crowded, not even on their popular latin nights. Their hot boys in swings, a woman walking around with lizards, a drag/magician show, amazing decorations and equally amazing music courtesy of super DJ/producer Peter Rauhofer! I can't remember the last time I danced so much. In fact, I didn't even get the chance to drink that much, which was probably a good thing because I ended up meeting this super hot Brazilian guy! YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM CUM CUM CUM CUM! LOL

It felt like everyone out that night was at Circuit. I ran into so many old friends/acquaintances/fuck buddies that I felt like I was at a high school reunion. The most interesting encounter had to be running into my old supervisor from Milwaukee. I had always known he was gay but keep in mind he was always this super nerdy, reserved skinny white guy. Well, I barely recognized him dressed up in leather daddy gear! LOL Actually he barely recognized me either. I guess I look different than what I did 5 years ago.

So today, Sunday is my day of recovery. I am not used to staying out until 5AM. Not to mention I had so much laundry to do...I mean, cum stained sheets aren't something one can ignore!