Sunday, July 30, 2006

The Lab Bitch

Since I was 19 I have either worked or trained in 5 different clinical laboratories. Some were small labs in community hospitals, others were large, high volume reference labs. One thing they all had in common though was.....The Lab Bitch.

Who is the Lab Bitch? Well, she generally is that one post-menopausal woman that has worked at the lab for a zillion years, has never been married (or has a really crappy marriage), and is bitter about everything. According to the Lab Bitch, no one works as hard as she does. No one does as good as a job as she does. Nothing is ever right or perfect enough. Consequently, the Lab Bitch must spend the majority of her shift complaining, whining or just being a complete cunt to her co-workers. Fortunately Lab Bitches are generally all bark and no bite. The only time I had to leave a job because of one was when the supervisor was the Lab Bitch. Otherwise, a Lab Bitch in a non-supervisory position is just a minor annoyance.

Well, the other day I decided to steal the Lab Bitch's thunder and unleash my own bitchy side. Basically the Lab Bitch was whining because she saw me flipping through a magazine while I waited for a slide to finish staining. She made a snide comment alluding to the fact that she was "busy" yet I was doing nothing. I let her have it. Instead of being apologetic I informed her that if she was so "busy" perhaps it's her own fault and that she needs to learn to multitask. I continued to tell her that when I work in her department I don't have any problems and especially don't notice what my co-workers in another department are doing. I suggested that perhaps the time she spends being nosey could be used to complete her own work instead, thus she too could flip through a magazine every now and then. Food for thought!

Now mind you, everyone else fears this woman as if she was the anti-Christ, so you can imagine the look of shock on her wrinkled old bitter face when I told her to basically fuck off. It felt great. Being mean to people always gives me a natural high. I love it. I was in the best mood the rest of the day!

So the moral of the story is the Lab Bitch shouldn't waste her time fucking with the Lab Queen!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

I'm gay......DUH!

Wow. I thought that Darren Hayes's announcement that he was gay was so anti-climatic and nonshocking, but Lance Bass's recent coming out is an even bigger joke. Come on sweetie, for years you were known as the "Gay Nsync Boy" (well, I also nicknamed you "Toxic Thyroid Boy" to help cope with those scary bug eyes of yours). I mean, who else is going to "shock" us next? Ricky Martin? Tom Cruise? Rupaul?

You know, I really hate it when celebrities come out only once they become 'has beens' or Z-listers. I don't see why they get so much credit for coming out at a point in their career when they have nothing to lose. That is hardly something worth bragging about. At least Darren Hayes had alluded to the fact he was gay through his music, but Lance Bass? He's a fucking pussy if you ask me. Sure, it was noble for him not to jeopardize the careers of his fellow bandmates, but once Nysnc went on "hiatus", Lance had the perfect opportunity to come out.

Well, perhaps I will give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he wasn't ready to address this issue. However, what really has got me all worked up is a comment he made in his interview with People magazine. He describes himself as "straight acting". Wow. Did he leave part of his brain up in space that one time? It's the only explanation as to how someone can be so out of touch with reality. LANCE, YOU FUCKING HOMO, YOU WERE KNOWN FOR YEARS AS THE GAY NSYNC-ER. YOU WEREN'T FOOLING ANYONE BUT A BUNCH OF DOWN SYNDROME 6 YEAR OLD GIRLS IN KANSAS.

On a lighter note, do you guys think Lance's favorite Nsync song was "I Need Love"?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Goodbye Sayhey

They say good things come in 3's, well I think that applies to bad things also. In the final of my "goodbye" posts, I would like to say good bye to Say Hey: The Ultimate Kylie Minogue Forum. Technically it isn't going anywhere, but the off topic section has been permanently removed by the webmaster. Why, you ask, would this upset me? Well, Sayhey was far more than just a Kylie Minogue internet forum. It was like a global community where the discussion of any topic you could think of took place. In the 3 years I religiously spent visiting the site I was introduced to so many new songs and artists I wouldn't have heard of otherwise. It also helped me change my views and opinions about more serious issues such as global politics, AIDS, school, and even sex. Despite the many psychopaths that roamed the forum (and ultimately were the cause of its demise), Sayhey was the one place I turned to when I had a question......about anything! Seriously, if God had an internet forum, Sayhey was it.

I was fortunate enough to meet a few individuals from Sayhey even in real life. All the encounters were memories I will cherish forever. One can begin to appreciate the beauty of the internet when one considers how it can connect so many different people from so many different walks of life all in a matter of seconds.

If there are any Sayheyer's reading this right now, thanks for the great times! If you want to stay in touch, leave me a comment. Cuz without internet friends how can we find all of those rare and unreleased mp3's we are constantly searching for? lol

Hopefully I will see you guys at some of the "new" forums that have popped up, and Lost In Limbo. And of course, I will still head to SayHey for my Kylie news, that section will not be gone. Also, I will still be checking the Dannii and La Toya forums regularly. I have to do something to keep myself busy at work!

Goodbye Sal!

Last week was not only a week of Gay Games in Chicago, but a fellow blogger, Sal came to visit Chicago. He stayed with my Sista M and Rob, but we all took it upon ourselves to be his tour guides. He was such a sweetheart and very cool. He was also quite popular with the locals, especially at Roscoes where a this scary white trash homo molested him on the street! lol

I hope you got back to California safely Sal! Let us know when you get your new phone!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Goodbye Gay Gaymers!

Although I am not a sports enthusiast, I do regret that I was unable to at least be in Boystown more this past week. I was out three nights and the atmosphere was just completely different that what I am used to. Without a doubt this was due to the thousands of visitors and athletes from around the world that came to our fierce city, Chicago. I must say it was so nice to see some new (and smiling!) faces in the city. I hope the cynical, unfriendly bitter queens that are unfortunately very abundant in Chicago didn't make for a bad impression!

Nevertheless, I did get to finally the one and only Kristine W live at Hunters. Not much can be said about the bar. It was the usual scary suburbanites and 80 year old trannies, but Kristine W tore the roof off that mutha! Wow. I was absolutely speechless. The bitch is fierce. She is like this huge drag queen trapped in a woman's body. She can sing, write, produce, play guitar, saxophone and percussion. Her acapella performance of her club classic "Feel What You Want" sent chills down my spine. Not often do you hear someone sing as well live as they sound on their CD. Kristine W is 100% talent, no computers are needed to enhance her voice! The energy this woman exudes is also incredible. She may never have a mainstream pop hit record, but she keeps it real for her club fans and she even performed for us a brand new track that hasn't been released yet. "Walk Away" is a loud diva anthem waiting to happen and I can't wait to buy it!

Sunday night I went to Crobar with Jorgillo. It was their "Gay Games Closing" party with the uber cutie DJ Tony Moran. He was looking pectacular with his low cut v-neck t-shirt. Yum! I even ran into fellow blogger, Michael! I recognized him immediately because of that friendly smile of his!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Mental Health Day

I needed to take a mental health day from work. The past two days I worked double shifts, had to endure limited air conditioning (which isn't bad by itself, but in a medical laboratory it's already 500 degrees), horrific traffic and two days in a row with a the "dumb co-worker". On top of that it was busy beyond belief. Now, normally my job(s) are mind numbingly boring so this was all quite a shock to my system. I got home last night and felt like death!

This past weekend my friend Michelle came to visit. We did the usual: watched movies, went clubbing, got drunk, went shopping, got drunk, etc. it is unbelievable to see what the Gay Games has done to Chicago, especially Boystown. I was at Circuit with Michelle, My Milwaukee Sister, Rob, and Sal and me tell you it was crowded and fun! DJ Tracy Young was the guest DJ and she played all of my favorite fierce club songs. The amount of tourists though became even more evident when I took Sal to Boystown on Wednesday. There were lines everywhere. It was out of control! Normally Spin is the only crowded place. I guess I didn't realize how big these Gay Games are. They are getting coverage in all of the major newspapers, news channels, etc. Michael has dedicated several entertaining and informative posts about the games. He has also added lots of new eye candy to his blog. My beefaroni posts look like Disney in comparison! lol

And finally, as I get ready to bring my Mental Health Day to an end, I MUST talk about the movie Michelle had me watch last weekend.......

This movie is a masterpiece! It's hard to describe this film. It's a dark comedy I suppose....but not really. AllI can say is from the quirky characters, the amazing soundtrack (which is about as important to the movie as the actors) to the brilliant ending, this movie will easily go down as one of my all time favorites.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Hot guys that.....

....stand in front of me at Chipotle wearing nothing but their boxer/gym shorts (with no underwear!) and a t-shirt that is just a little too short that everytime they move a little forward or backward you get a glimpse of their cute, slightly hairy tight abs or just a glimpse of their man crack all the while their flacid, yet massive penis flops back and forth against the counter (leaving VERY little to the imagination) really enhance my burrito experience.

um yeah, in the words of Parisite Hilton, that's hot.

Saturday, July 15, 2006


Today I met RnB sensation Jody Watley!!!! She did an in store appearance at the Virgin Megatore to promote her upcoming album, "The Makeover". Jody looked hot with her big afro! I loved it! She sang her new single, "Boderline". Yes, it is a remake of the old Madonna song, but Jody reinterprets it as only she can and turns it into a smooth, slow RnB jam. To be quite honest, Jody's version puts the original to shame! Jody seemed very appreciative of her fan's support. I have been a fan of Jody since I was a kid and I have especially followed her career during her "flop era". She may not be on a major record label anymore, but she is still far better than most of the untalented trashy whores clogging the radio and tv stations nowadays.

If you guys are curious, here's Jody's video for "Borderline". The song is available not on iTunes for purchase and the album (which will feature covers and new songs) will be out August 8th.

Thursday, July 13, 2006


The one thing that grosses me out the most when a guy (or girl) takes of his shirt is too see bacne. Jesus fucking christ. in my opinion, it is the nastiest thing ever! I mean, who wants to feel like they are reading Braille when they touch someone's back. BARF!!!!!!!

There is no excuse for such nastiness if you ask me. I am not perfect. I get the occasional zit on my back too, but you know what, I take my ass to Walgreen's and get some of this......

It's only $5 people. Use it!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Beefaroni In Training

It is so slow this week at work, hence the numerous posts........

In my recent post about Jesse Bradford I briefly touched on the very serious topic of Beefaroni In Training. Since my blog is all about getting to the bottom of these pressing issues, I thought it would be best to dedicate an entire post.

First we have Chad Michael Murray. You may know this handsome actor from tv shows like "Dwason's Creek", the "Gilmore Girls" or major motion pictures like last year's "House Of Wax". Chad seems to be aware of his beefaroni potential. Here he is from early in his career. He looks very young and twinkish, but still very handsome.

Now, fast forward a few years and it is quite obvious Chad has been eating his Wheaties! Hot damn!

Of course, I think Chad still needs some work. He must realize that facial hair is his #1 enemy! He looks so much nicer clean shaven. Let's hope Chad can get his shit together and become a full certified Beefaroni actor.

Next up is Alfonso Herrera from Rebelde. he started out as the "cute one" only because the other male memebers of Rebelde were so butt ugly. Here he is with Miss Horseface, Anahi. Nothing really special to look at, but you can definitely see the potential.

Well, after the extreme success of the show and group I think Alfonso realized he needed to revamp his image. This included some weight lifting. He was recently featured on the cover of Men's Health sporting a nicely toned body. Here you can see the extra definition in his arms, a little facial hair, and a new hair style.

As much as I like the new hair cut in the above picture, I think Alfonso would do best with short hair. Also, a few more protein shakes could be added to his diet. He is getting muscle but still looks kind of thin. I bet next year Alfonso will be ready to show off his new Beefaroni figure!

Shut up and stick it in!!!!

In order to complete my undergraduate degree in Milwaukee I had to complete three months of phlebotomy training. Don't ask me why this was required. In the 4 years I have worked since then I have never had to collect a blood sample. Thank god for that too! I HATED it! You would think it is a very simple task, but it isn't. So many patients will whine and complain that it hurts. Others have no good veins to stick and you look like an idiot when you fail to get the blood sample. Some patients are smelly and weird. Others can get violent. I dreaded my phlebotomy practice every single morning, but I always put on my biggest and fakest smile and pretended that it was the funnest thing in the world. Ironically, this pseudo-enthusiasm actually made some patients feel better. I guess smiles are contagious.

As for me, I have HUGE veins and I have never had a problem giving a sample of blood.....until today. I went to the clinic at Midwestern University to have the last of my blood work done. One of the med students collected my sample and he did a horrible job! He put the torniquet on me and then stared at my veins for like 5 minutes trying to figure out which one he would use. I felt like screaming "Just fucking stick it in already!!!!!!". That would have been the first time I said that in a non-sexual context, but I refrained. When he finally inserted the needle he MISSED my vein!!!! Jesus christ, at this point my veins were bulging so much I looked like a heroin addict. Finally I had to give him some advice to quicken the process. The only thing that kept me from being a bitch to him was the fact he was one of those cute, VERY muscular, shaggy haired LA surfer types. If he had been ugly though I would have told him to go get someone else cuz I am a shallow bitch like that, lol!

I hope I don't get a bruise!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


My friend Reni came from Moo-Town to spend a night/day in Chicago. While she was here she watched Swimfan. I had completely forgotten I owned this DVD. I bought it a few years ago only because I thought Jesse Bradford was total Beefaroni In Training. The movie disappointed me a bit because there really weren't any good scenes with Jesse in his speedo. That shocked me considering the the subject matter of the movie. Either way, Jesse had such Beefaroni potential. He was so adorable, had a cute little body and had that "hot nerd" thing going on. All he needed was a little more gym time and some extra protein shakes. (I could have helped with the latter)

Out of curiosity I checked to see what Dear Jesse looks like in 2006. Um can we say fucking scary????? I guess having Beefaroni potential is only good if one takes advantage of that potential!

Anyhoo, enough about Jesse. The funniest part of my day spent with Reni was when we were on the train going to the The Signature Room in the John Hancock Building (which, btw, Charlie had recently reviewed). There was a big advertisement for the Gay Games and Reni says to me "Gay Games? I don't get it. Do they have like, flower arranging contests?" I laughed so hard because she was serious!!!!! I love that girl! I don't blame her though. Even I will admit the whole concept of the Gay Games is a bit bizzare, BUT, there is a lot of fundraising for AIDS research that goes along with this AND the city itself benefits from all of the tourism revenue the Gay Games will bring in. I won't be attending but I am looking forward to the closing party at Crobar on the 23rd. That will be fun!

My Man Purse

I have finally joined the ranks of trendy men everywhere with the purchase of my first man purse. Now I know you may be rolling your eyes in disbelief. Surely someone that uses the word 'fierce' as much as I do MUST have a closet full of man pusrses. Honestly though, I don't. I guess I am just a late bloomer.

Anyhoo, my primary concern now is proper usage. Granted, I got my man purse from the Midwestern University e-store and I plan on using it mostly for academic purposes, but I need to know what essential items I should keep in my new man purse. I know women sometimes carry around pads and/or tampons, but I would feel silly filling up the extra pockets of my man purse with feminine hygiene products. Perhaps I should take advantage of the extra carry capacity I have now and treat myself to that economy size bottle of lube I have always wanted?

I also need one of my fellow man purse owners to teach me its proper usage. Should I carry it one hand by the handle? Should I use the strap and carry it on one shoulder? Or should I get really fancy and put the strap over my head and pull it across my chest and have the bag on the other side? This is so complicated.

I am so scared that my first day of Man Pursing will be a disaster! :(

Saturday, July 08, 2006

It's A Fine Day

It's a fine day
People open windows
They leave their houses
Just for a short while

Anyone remember this trance classic? It's been remade and re-released a zillion times by several singers over the years. It's definitely a "fine day" here in Chicago. It's not too windy, sunny and warm. It's the perfect day to grab my speedo (not the pink one, that's for special occasions only!) and spend a day at Hollywood each admiring all of the cute boys. Unfortunately the reality is I am working today and if I had gone to Hollywood beach it probably would have been filled with guys like this....ewwww.....

I at least had a chance to go to Hunter's last night with Jorgillo and his coworkers. Wow, I forgot what a suburban freak show that place is. Yikes! 80 year old trannies, hispanic midgets, hairy diesel dykes and gay white trash! Fortunately the music is quite decent on a Friday and the patio area is a nice place to mingle without all of the smoke and noise. Regardless of the vagrant whores and gay mutants that were in abundance, I am glad I went because I found out that super dancefloor diva supreme, Kristine W will be performing live on July 22nd. Woo hoo!

I remember back in 2000 when Kristine W came to Circuit. I was still living in Milwaukee at the time and my boss would not give me the night off. I was so upset! So this time nothing is going to stop me! To get ready for the show, I have created a special Kristine W playlist on my iPod. I leave you with my FAVORITE Kristine W video from her 2003 album, "Fly Again".

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

July 4th

My July 4th was uneventful. I didn't have to work but my airhead friends either forgot we had plans or changed plans at the last minute. Oh well, I at least was able to get some rest.

On a totally unrelated note, I sold almost all of my old VHS porn on Ebay. My taste in porn has changed dramatically since I was 16 so I thought it was time to get rid of the shit. Now, this alone isn't exciting. What is is funny though is that one of the buyers was a woman! LOL! Some lonely woman in Arizona will be rubbing her meat curtains while two gay,hot and hairy latino homo-thugs fuck eachother on her TV screen! And here I thought that women enjoy watching gay porn was just a myth!

Monday, July 03, 2006

I Was A Teenage Alien

I was going to go to the gym tonight but I didn't realize they closed early due to the holiday. So I decided I should take advantage of this free time and finally clean out my walk in closet. Well, let me tell you I have found so many things I thought I had either lost (my very first Selena doll) or had thrown out. The above picture is an example of the latter category.

When I was 19 I was discovering Chicago for the first time. I was dating this Mexican guy from Aurora. He was a few years older than me and when I expressed an interest in obtaining a fake ID he was so nice to take me to a local woman's house who apparently made a nice living making fake green cards and social security cards for illegal immigrants. The woman looked at me very oddly as I asked her in my perfect english if I could purchase an alien resident card that would make me 21. Money is money though so she took my picutre with a poloraid camera, took my fingerprint and then went upstairs. She came back downstairs with a very realistic looking card. My friends who alread had real ones said even they were impressed by the authenticity.

So to make a long story short I was an illegal alien for 2 years of my life! My only regret is that I didn't one of those fake illegal names everyone seems to do. I would have loved to have been an "Elmer" or "Refugio" for a change! lol

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Ronaldo é muito legal!

My soccer boyfriend that I was blogging about a few posts back, Ronaldo Cristiano has been in the news alot these past few days. He was responsible for scoring the final decisive penalty that will take Portugal to the semis in the World Cup! The losing team was England and I hear Victoria Beckham (former Spice Girl and David Beckham's wife) was crying her eyes out. :)

Knowing Ronaldo is so good with his balls just makes me all hot!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Sallie Mae is my homegirl.

Woo hoo! I just got a letter from Sallie Mae in the mail yesterday. My financial aid package was finalized and I will be able to borrow the maximum amount so I can pay for school in fall: one subsidized and one unsubsidized loan. This will give me more than enough money to pay tution, buy books, and have money to live off of (food, clothing, transportation, etc). I was so worried I was going to have to take out a private loan with uber high interest. I know I sound like such a nerd saying this but I can't wait to start this fall!