Thursday, September 27, 2007

My Retarded Admirer

Well, I am almost done packing. Don't ask me how I have managed to do it. My three exams have come and gone too. I kicked ass on two of them but I think I only kicked maybe half an ass on the last one. *fingers crossed*

This will probably be my last post for awhile, as I am going to be without internet now for almost the next two weeks. Why you ask? Well because I was denied any time off from work to take care of such things as unpacking and setting up my cable and internet I have to wait until I actually have some time off from school and work. I am a little upset about my change in cable carriers. Granted, RCN doesn't have the best service but I got some bomb ass channels. I was excited to find out my new building is serviced by DirectTV but that excitement was short lived when I found out I will be losing all of my favorite channels AND the customer service department is probably even worse than RCN's. Well, at least the price is cheap. 140 channnels for $45 isn't bad!

So before this Sexbox goes on hiatus, I leave you with a funny little story....

Along with my new apartment, I will also be joining a new gym and the timing couldn't be more perfect! You see, for two years I have been working out at the gym in my building there has been this black retarded boy working there. I never paid him any attention because I was always too busy checking out the crotches on the hot Bollywood men. Well, just recently the retarded boy started talking to me. It was all very abrupt and just plain odd. Especially the way he would stare at me when he talked. I initially didn't think too much about it because, well, to be quite honest he's a retard and I wouldn't know how to figure one of them out anyways! I have not had much experience with "special" people. It crossed my mind he might be gay but like I said, I figured my gaydar was just being thrown off by his retard vibes.

Well, my suspicions were confirmed the other day. the retarded boy was talking to me and casually mentions that he likes to watch football games at some of the sports bars in Wrigleyville. He followed that comment with "Oh but I was get hit on by gay guys because it's right by gay town".

I was not sure how to respond. The rude bitch in me wanted to say,

"Sweetie, there isn't anyone hitting on your down syndrome ass, stop fooling yourself kiddo."

But I refrained. I smiled and casually changed the subject because it was all too obvious that once again my gaydar hadn't let me down....and having a retarded admirer is not something I cared to deal with on a daily basis.

So, I have enjoyed living downtown these past two years. I would definitely do it again! But if there is anything I won't miss it will be the scary retarded boy at the gym!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Moving Woes

I move in 8 days I have nothing packed. Why you ask? Because in those next 8 days I also have three exams, have been denied any time off from work, muust complete three scholarship applications and I just finished my very first piece of writing to be published in a professional journal.


I am an expert at moving considering I do it practically every year. I will even admit it is a great way to make sure you never accumulate alot of junk....but moving is a process that requires time and if you don't have time it becomes one big nightmare.

Sunday, September 16, 2007


I am not like my Milwaukee Sister who loathes the summer but loves the fall. I am actually quite indifferent to the season changes in the midwest. Summer is great for sporting my cute Prada swimsuits and having casual sex with strangers outdoors while fall/winter is great for sporting my cute Energie leather jacket and having casual sex with strangers indoors. It's a win-win situation! However, I do not enjoy ABRUPT temperature changes, much like the cold front that moved into Chicago this past week. We went from 80's/90's to fucking 40's/50's practically overnight! What the fuck!? The problem is I live in a building with central air OR heat. In other words, during summer I can only turn on the air conditioning and during winter I can only turn on the heat. Both are never available at the same time. The heat will not be available until October 1st so I have been fucking freezing in my apartment. ANd you know what happens to guys when the temperatures drop......


So for the past four days I have been walking around with the penis of a 5 year old. It's horrible. I wouldn't dare have a booty call right now, I'd be too embarrassed! Luckily I did stumble upon these pictures of Mario Lopez the other day. That helped warm me up a little!

OMG! This man is the epitomy of Beefaroni! Mario just gets better and better with age! You can bet me and my 5 year old penis were having a gay ol' time checking out these new pictures. Another thing that has helped me get through these past few chilly days has been the one and only Australian pop diva senstation........Dannii Minogue!!!!!!

Dannii has taken a break from music for the past year (well, not counting her recent Australian Top 40 smash hit single "He's The Greatest Dancer") to concentrate on television in the UK where she has been co-hosting "The X Factor", a massively popular music talent show created by Simon Cowell. Rumor has it Simon wants to take Dannii under his wings and produce her next album. Even Dannii's old record company is taking advantage of her current success by planning a re-release of her now legendary epic ode to electro-pop music, 2003's "Neon Nights"!

Dannii's older older (and less pretty) sister Kylie is releasing new music this year so I imagine Dannii will continue to put off a new album for a little while still. I am sure she wouldn't want to steal Kylie's thunder. Dannii is too thoughtful of a sister to spoil Kylie's new album!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Serial Lovers

I have a unique mix of friends that provide me much entertainment on a daily basis. Luckily they are all good people. There aren't any serial killers or serial rapists in the bunch. However, I do have a few friends that are serial lovers. You know the type: every week they seem to "fall in love" with a different person and swear to god that this time it's forever. I guess forever is only 7 days.

I was talking on the phone today with one of my serial lover friends. I had a lousy connection on my cell phone (damn you AT&T!) but in between all of the static and interference my friend explained to me that he was so ECSTATIC because he was in love with some new guy and what a beautiful person he was and blah blah blah blah.

Now, I don't want to sound like a bad friend, because I am not. I may not be the perfect friend but I occasionally stop thinking about myself long enough to take interest in what my friends are telling me but during times like this it is just so hard for me to sound happy for a serial lover. The funniest thing about the conversation is that my friend claimed he had been with his new love interest everyday for the past three weeks. That's funny, because I just saw this friend last week and there was no mention of this love interest. Maybe he meant to say three days?

I have concluded that serial lovers have no concept of time. They are in love after two days of knowing someone and act as if it has been 5 years. When the 7 day relationship ends they are ready to commit suicide because ending such a long term and meaningful relationship is so hard.........well, until the following weekend when they meet a new lover and seem to completely forget the previous one as if an entire century had gone by.

I must share a secret on my blog. As amusing my serial lover friends can be, I think I prefer my serial slut friends. They don't bore me with crappy love stories. They call me up and tell me about their most recent, no-strings-attached hook-ups with one of their many fuck buddies. I don't have to sit through any crappy "i'm in love" stories. It's so much easier for me to show genuine interest when my slutty friends just give me the honest, trashy truth about their latest romp in the sack (or an alley, abandoned building, McDonald's bathroom, etc)!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Parking, Spiders, and a Bris

I may have not been born and raised in Chicago, but unlike many people who move to Chicago from a smaller city or town, I wasn't naive about the big city life. I had been to Chicago many times prior to moving and I knew how difficult parking is. Since I lived here I have always made sure I had garage parking. I didn't want to deal with all of the tow zones, snow zones, street cleaning, permits, Cubs stickers, fire hydrants, early meters, late meters, Sunday meters, rush hour parking regulations, loading zones, etc. When I do have to park on the street it has become second nature for me to walk up and down the block double chacking every sign posted to make sure I don't get a ticket, or even worse, get towed. Between my cautious parking techniques and garage parking I think I have only had to deal with two parking tickets since living here. I will admit, some areas of Chicago are better than others when it comes to street parking. I have also noticed though that the parking gets "easier" the further you delve into the ghetto, at which point worrying about car theft takes priority over a measly $50 parking ticket.

To make a long story short, I am always so concerned about parking when I drive somewhere I tend to forget outside of Chicago parking isn't an issue. A classmate of mine threw a "back to school" barbeque at her condo in the boonies (Wheaton to be exact) this weekend. I think I must have asked the poor girl 5 times if there would be parking. Even after she told me yes (all 5 times) I aksed if I had to pay or get a visitor pass. There was something about plentiful and FREE parking that sounded suspicious. Surely it was a plot to steal my car or something! Well, she later on laughed and made fun of me for being such a "city boy".

Yes, I am a city boy and proud of it! Speaking of the city...has anyone noticed the fucking huge ass spiders popping up all over the place?????

Now, I am not a big baby when it comes to spiders, but it's getting ridiculous. They are fucking everywhere and for some odd reason they seem to LOVE my car. Perhaps they want to help me park? Anyhoo, I have had two spiders take up residency in my car. You know, it isn't fun when I am driving 60mph on the expressway when one of those things suddenly falls on my face. Eeek!

And continuing with my big city theme for today, can I just say how much I love the big city life? Despite the headache of parking and spiders it is so wonderful to know there is always some sort of festival, show, or some other special event going on. I had no big plans for today (well, except to study and pack) when yesterday I randomly found out that a documentary made by a Jewish Chicago film maker would be showing at the Gene Siskel Film Center on State Street (just a 10 minute walk from my house!). As the website describes it, "Cut" is a new documentary film by Eliyahu Ungar-Sargon which examines the subject of male circumcision from a religious, scientific and ethical perspective.

The entire circumcision debate and whether or not it is an ethical practice in modern society has intrigued me for quite some time. The film was very well done and managed to present both sides of the debate in a very unbiased manner. I am not one to get teary eyed at a film (and I am definitely not a fan of little babies!) so it speaks volumes when I say I was literally brought to tears at the end of the film when an entire bris was shown completely uncensored. The screams of that little baby boy were unlike anything I had ever heard in my life. Well, at least that little baby won't remember anything as I can imagine just how painful the procedure is. Ouch. How cruel!

The trailer:

Friday, September 07, 2007

My New Boyfriends

With the new school year upon me, I have the chance to start brand new meaningful relationships with super hot and intelligent men on campus! Woo hoo! My juices are flowing just thinking about it!

Ok, maybe I am exaggerating a bit. These "meaningful relationships" will merely consist of me secretly lusting over any hot new pharmacy or medical students. I already have decided I have a crush on three of them. I am sure they are straight, just like all of my other crushes from last year, but it's always nice to have something to stare at in the library.

Other than my hormones going out of control, this week has been horribly busy. I have had so much to do between my many academic obligations, work and packing. Well, actually I have done little to no packing, but I have been throwing away a lot of shit. Actually, I plan on getting rid of several pieces of furniture. I am in desperate need of revamping my bedroom. Don't ask me why I didn't get those gay interior designer genes!

Sunday, September 02, 2007


With Labor Day Weekend upon us, the Summer of 2007 has finally come to an end. I can honestly say this summer was probably the most interesting I have ever had. I know I joke about being a "gay Chicago socialite", but seriously, I remember back in Spring when I realized I needed to find a healthy balance between work, school and my social life. I had neglected my social life for so long as I had put so much time and effort into school and work. Well, now I can look back at these past few months and definitely say I accomplished my goal. I reemerged on the scene so quickly and effortlessly that I have had people ask me "Where did you come from? Did you just move to Chicago?". I always laugh and explain that I have been here for 5 years but I sort of fell off the radar for awhile.

So here I am and now I ask myself is there is anything I have learned? Do I have any knowledge or insight I can share? Hmmmm...not really. The gay scene (well, I am sure this applies really to any social setting) is just as shallow, superficial, and vacuous as one might imagine. However, this is not necessarily a bad thing. I think we all need a bit of frivolity in our lives. The thing is to always be able to distinguish between what's really important in our lives and what's a mere distraction from the monotony of those important things. I found a nice equilibrium between the two this summer and I am happy. I am also happy that the summer is indeed over. I am ready to refocus my energy on my studies. Classes resume this Tuesday and I am excited about my second year at Midwestern. I don't anticipate relinquishing my socialite crown anytime soon, especially since I am a month away from moving back to the "Emerald City". However, I won't be drinking and partying as much as I have been the past four months.

Besides all of the partying, this summer also allowed me to meet all sorts of new people (or in some cases rekindle old friendships). The array of colorful, quirky and amazing personalities I have met has been wonderful. There is no doubt that 90% of these acquaintances are just as superficial and ephemeral as the gay scene in which I met them. Nevertheless, without them I wouldn't have met the other 10%: a handful of individuals that have proven themselves to be people I want to keep around in my life for some time to come.

So if this summer had been a play I would be applauding and screaming "Bravo!". That isn't why I titled my post "Bravo" though. Bravo was the name of the cute tapas bar I went to on Saturday in Wicker Park. Now, I hate tapas, so needless to say it wasn't my idea to go there. Luckily I loved the atmoshpere and I loved the mojitos and chocolate mousse! Bravo was the end to a 48 hour non-stop marathon of activities that started Thursday involving the beach, the wet boxer contest at Roscoe's (how did I get talked into that one?), Circuit with Private Dancer, a "date" at a Thai restaurant, an all nighter with a friend on Halsted (and then finding myself help that same friend move the next day very unexpectedly), a pedicure, more Thai food and finally a shopping spree at TJ Maxx (yes, I succumbed to a welfare store!).

I was exhausted after all of that but luckily I managed to look somewhat presentable at Bravo. Fuck, we all looked fierce actually!