Control

I have never considered myself a control freak but perhaps I have been wrong. I have almost always felt very in control of my life. Today is an exception. I am coming to the realization that I have some issues that I cannot control and that need to be addressed. Unfortunately, I am not sure if I can determine exactly what these issues are or where they came from. I just know I am very confused and not being in control is a frightening feeling.

If this doesn't make sense it's ok. I am writing today strictly for my own sanity in the hopes that letting my thoughts run across the screen will help me get a better grasp of the situation.

I can't wait to go to bed tonight!

My Space Sickness

Wow, I haven't blogged in a week! It feels like an eternity. I was sick last week with a nasty case of tonsilitis. I seem to get this about twice a year. My tonsils swell to about the size of grapefruits, they get filled with puss and my entire body aches. When it is strep I can just take antibiotics, but usually it's viral so I have to suffer and wait. Luckily this time it passed after three days. I hate being sick :(

After I recovered from my sickness I then had to deal with the first two exams of the quarter and a three days at work which were busy as hell. I am making sure I never work more than two days in a row again!

While I was sick I spent some time exploring My Space.com". My Milwaukee Sister kept bugging me for ages to create a My Space page. Honestly, I thought it was stupid. It seemed like a thing for little high school kids to do. Well, I eventually succumbed to peer pressure (thank god my friends don't pressure me to do drugs because I would be in the Betty Ford Clinic by now) and I made a My Space page. I rarely log in or check my messages, but this week I got the idea to look up people I had gone to high school with. Um, wow. It is amazing to see how drastically some people can deteriorate in 9 years. Most of the guys were fat and looked like they had been beaten with the Retard Stick. What's ironic is these were the same guys who played sports. What the fuck. I still talk to two people from high school and I must say we all still look fierce. Actually, here is my senior picture. Except for the scary afro, I think I look almost the same....



Of course, that was an improvement on how I looked my sophmore year.....



Um yeah, I have no idea why I wasn't beat up everyday at school. I really would have deserved it! lol

Well, I was finally feeling back to normal on Friday. JQ is friends with this older gay couple and they invited us to dinner. How fierce. The couple was very laid back and friendly. It was obvious they were "sizing me up" to see if I was suitable for JQ but apparently when I went to the bathroom I got the seal of approval. As for JQ, I still wouldn't say we are boyfriends yet. I am actually very happy that we have taken things very slowly. I think it's good to just take one day at a time and not worry to much about tomorrow. Things are going well though so maybe I will have to reveal more about JQ soon. I don't want to jinx anything!

Shady Shade!

This week has been a busy one for yours truly. The shit has hit the fan at school and I suddenly feel like I have a million things due all at once. Oh, and I can't forget that I already have my first exam this week. I still haven't even memorized my class schedule!


Last Tuesday JQ invited me to a performance he was appearing in at Ravinia. He reserved a ticket for me and after the show took me to the cast party. That was funny. He explained to me the purpose of these parties is for the director of his dance company (JQ is a ballet dancer) to rub elbows with all the rich old white people of Highland Park so they will donate money. I say it was funny because the entire night I had these old people coming up to me telling me "what a wonderful job I had done". I just laughed and went along with it. I was too lazy to explain I wasn't one of the dancers. I must say I did enjoy the actual show. It was my first time seeing a ballet performance so I enjoyed the novelty aspect and also the fact that I knew someone on stage made it entertaining.


On Thursday I was at school until 7pm. After classed finished there was a picnic hosted by the upper classmen. Us first year students had the chance to ask questions about the upcoming year. We also recieved cd-roms with old tests and quizzes to help us study. Oh, and there was free pizza and beer! Yum!

The weekend was fun too. I really wanted to go to Hydrate because super beefaroni DJ/producer Tony Moran was going to be there but my new poor student budget didn't allow it. I also saw some fierce clothes I wanted to buy this weekend but my budget didn't allow that either! All was not ruined though because I spent the night with JQ. We had dinner and then we went to two different birthday/housewarming parties......which brings me to the whole point of today's post.

Now, I have come to accept the fact that there is two degrees of separation (sometimes even less) in the Chicago gay community. That's not a big deal, but some guys need to learn to have some tact! At the first party JQ took me too there was this really hot guy who I had met before. This hot guy had been interested in a friend of mine. I already knew that nothing worked out between the two but I felt like putting him on the spot so I asked him about it. The hot guy responded by saying "You friend is really handsome but our personalities clashed. Oh, by the way, you are really hot too." Um, I appreciated the comment and I will not even lie and say this guy wouldn't have been my type but geez, how fucking shady to hit on me like that! I don't mind someone's sloppy seconds, but surely he could have been a bit more discreet? I just smiled and then I think he figured out I was with JQ so then he looked even dumber. What a loser!

Nads

I like the fact most gay porn stars have very nice, smooth assholes. I know some men/women appreciate a hairy asshole but I don't. Obtaining that perfectly smooth hole can be somewhat of a challenge. I have tried shaving but that leaves me with an itchy crack. Oh, and one wrong move with the razor can prove to be a fucking bloody mess. I have tried depilatory creams too. They generally warn that such harsh chemicals should not be used on booty holes and I learned the hard way that they are right. That shit burns. I thought my only option left was to get my asshole waxed. I refused to do that since I would only trust a professional and there is no way in hell I am going to a beauty salon to have my asshole waxed.

So, it finally occured to me that perhaps I should try Nads! Why I didn't think of this sooner is beyond me. The product is 100% natural and easy to apply. Hmmmmmm.......I must admit it wasn't as messy as I was anticipating and it definitely got the job done. I have a lovely porno star boogina hole now.....but unfortunately it was very painful and left my nether region a little red. Bottom line (no pun intended): Nads is great but just make sure you do it a few days BEFORE you have a date! You WILL need time to recover!

No Way José!

I have a hispanic last name. I don't consider it to be as common as a name like "Rodriguez" (those families practially have their own white pages!) so I am a little annoyed when people can't read and mistake it for something else. I am specifically referring to the mail carrier. For the past 2 weeks I have been getting mail for some guy named "Rafael". We do not share the same last name. Our last names do start with the same letter though. I am sure my mail carrier thinks all spic names look alike but this is getting ridiculous. I repeatedly take Rafael's mail out of my box and leave it in the lobby only to find it in my mail box again the next day. Hmmm....I am equally annoyed with Rafael though for not being smart enough to give Verizon his APARTMENT NUMBER!!!!!

I'm not racist.......sometimes.

I saw these online and couldn't stop laughing, mostly because some are true!


10 Truths Black and Hispanic people know but white people won't admit

1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not white.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year old is too big for a stroller.
8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.



10 Truths White and Black People know but Hispanic people won't admit

1. Hickeys are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food not a pet or a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.
6. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
7. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami & Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.



10 Truths White and Hispanic people know but black people won't admit

1. O.J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth shouldn't be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. Red is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car

Week 1

Well, my first week of pharmacy school has come and gone. The second is about to start. It wasn't that bad, but then again how bad could the first week really be? I must say I LOVE being at a private university for the first time in my academic career. It's nice feeling as though my presence is not seen as a burden by a professor who is more concerned about his/her research than teaching.

My class is a very unique and diverse bunch. Well, maybe I shouldn't say diverse. There are only two black girls and based on the class list of names there is only one other hispanic student. There are no shortages though of Indians. I don't think I have ever had so many Patel's in my class. There really isn't too much eye candy though since 3/4 of the class are girls. Damn. I don't even have a hot professor either. What the fuck.

I have made it a point to be very social and I guess you could say I have even made a few acquaintances. That's good because then I have someone to keep me awake during some of our 3 hour lectures.

So far the curriculum doesn't look like it will be too difficult. However, I am going to be a busy bitch trying to juggle my time. This unfortunately means I am going to have to postpone my plans to take a Portuguese course this fall and instead take it during summer. I am not happy about that but I don't want to burn myself out. In fact, I refuse to burn myself out ever again. I have spent the past 9 years being busy one way or the other and now I finally feel I have the opportunity to continue pursuing my goals and aspirations while enjoying life's every moments at the same time.

Translation: I am going to owe alot in student loans and credit cards when this is all done, lol

Hypocrisy

1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.
2. An act or instance of such falseness.

There is nothing more in this world that annoys me more than a hypocrite. Even racist bigots don't bother me as much. At least they are genuine about their beliefs (as twisted as they may be) and are consistent. Hypocrites though fucking make me want to puke.

A few weeks ago, Milwaukee Sister was blogging about the LOGO television series Noah's Arc.
Well, now that I have cable I figured it would be a good time to check this show out. LOGO tends to have mini marathons of this show late at night so I have caught several episodes, old and new. Anyhoo, one episode involves the promiscuous character, Ricky, who thinks he might be HIV+ so he starts dating another HIV+ guy.....but when he finds out he is actually HIV- he wants to call it off. Considering this character is the "slutty one" I thought he was quite the hypocrite.

I treat all of my sexual partners as if they are HIV+. I don't bareback just because someone says "Oh, it's ok I was just tested and I am fine". Fuck that shit. I don't trust people, but I still like to get my freak on, so I use condoms with everyone. Therefore I think it's quite hypocritcal for anyone who has multiple sexual partners to suddenly freak out if they meet someone who is positive. If a person is so concerned about contracting HIV perhaps they shouldn't be having sex at all! Duh!

And getting back to Noah's Arc, I love it! Noah, Wade and Ricky are all major beefaroni. Yum! I must say though that Darryl Stephens as Noah is a far cry from the hunky ghetto thug stripper he plays in "Another Gay Movie". I think one must see that movie to fully appreciate his beefaroniness. Oh, and why in the hell is this show constantly compared to "Queer As Folk"????? The two shows are completely DIFFERENT GENRES!!!! One's a drama, one's a comedy! There is no comparison! if anything "Noah's Arc" is an all gay version of MTV's "Undressed". Same cheap sets and same silly (yet entertaining) storylines.

"Ya'll gotta 99 cent menu up in herre?"

You can take the boy out of the ghetto but you can't always take the ghetto out of the boy. As hard as it may be to believe, I did not grow up in an affluent, wealthy, white suburban neighborhood. In fact this couldn't be further from the truth. I grew up on Milwaukee's ghetto hispanic south side. Government cheese, low income housing, gang warfare, food stamps, welfare, and any other unpleasant thing that can be associated with poverty is what I dealt with on a daily basis. Nevertheless, I always say "it ain't where you're from it's where you're at", so I tend not to think too much about my youth. However, my lack of a "fine and cultured" upbringing sometimes comes back to haunt me even almost 10 years later.

On Labor Day I was ready to spend a night alone watching my Rebelde DVD's. To my surprise JQ called me up and told me to put on something nice because we were going to go somewhere classy. I thought JQ was going to be with his family that day so I didn't have much time to quick come up with an outfit. Luckily I have a fierce wardrobe and successfully dressed to impress. To make a long story short we went to this swanky restaurant downtown, Sushi Samba, that serves Japanese-Brazilian-Peruvian cuisine. Um yeah, I felt a bit out of place. I almost knocked over a wine rack, got startled by the little old lady handing out paper towels in the bathroom, and felt like a complete idiot trying to order food since I couldn't pronounce anything. Oh, and let's not even talk about the prices. I think I need to explain to JQ that I am poor now and $100 meals are NOT in my budget. I even joked with him and said "I am not used to going to a restaurant that doesn't offer a value menu!". He laughed but I suppose it was good to step out of my "Comfort Zone" for one night. In fact, I probably need to step out of my comfort zone a little more often.

Eat Your Heart Out Wentworth!

Well, I decided to buzz my hair a few days early. I like it! In fact, I like it so much I am going to drop out of school and move to Hollywood. There is a role waiting for me on "Prison Break". I just know it! If an Australian slut has-been actress/singer like Holly Valance can get a part on the show, so can I!

Orientation

I spent two days at Midwestern University for orientation this week. I was worried it would be a bit tedious but the days went by quickly and were actually interesting and informative. As one might imagine, I met my professors, classmates, the Dean, filled out paper work, listened to a million speeches, took a campus tour and ate free food. Well, actually on Wednesday I didn't eat much because the lunch they had wasn't very vegetarian friendly. On Thursday though they had veggie burgers, salads, fresh fruits and cookies! Yummy!

Being there for orientation I think finally put things in perspective....I finally made it! I think that was the overall attitude of everyone else there too. No more worrying about PCAT's, or prerequisites, or applications or.......you get the picture. What was even more encouraging was when the Dean of the College of Pharmacy told us that they had recieved 2,160 applications, yet we were the priviliged 200 students that made it. Now I just need to make sure I maintain my grades so can be eligible for the accelerated program Midwestern offers. Instead of completing the Doctor of Pharmacy degree in 4 years I might be able to do it in 3 years. Lord knows I feel old as it is. I want to finish as soon as I can!



Since I was in Downers Grove already, I had dinner with my Secret Friend #5. This Secret Friend lives in the suburbs so we rarely hang out. It was good catching up and gossiping! I only wish I had picked a better menu item. Pizza with goat cheese is fucking nasty.

Later that night though JQ made dinner and it was yummy! He is very accomodating to my vegetarian needs. After dinner I insisted we watch the DVD portion of Dannii Minogue's "The Hits And Beyond". If he is going to be dating material he HAS to be educated on Dannii first! lol



Speaking of my "vegetarian needs", it has been almost 5 months since I eliminated all meat/fish from my diet. My friend Michelle was convinced I would turn into a malnourished PETA freak. As I type this wearing my leather watch, shoes, and cockring, I can guarantee there isn't one ounce of PETA support in me. My heart is far too cold to care about animals. I like wearing them, but I just don't want to eat them! As for the "malnourished" (anemic, anorexic, excessive bleeding, or whatever other million and one ailments I was suppose to have by now), that also has not come true. I did lose 5 pounds after going veggie, but it was lost all in my waist! Woo hoo! That's a good thing if you ask me. Who doesn't like the feeling of dropping one pants size? Other than that I am healthy as a horse. In fact, the other day I was bored at work and performed a hemogram on myself. My results were 100% normal!



So yeah, this week has been nice. I can't wait to start classes next Tuesday and more importantly, start working part time because I hate my job!