I Didn't Mean To Turn You On

Tee hee, so I took this little online test and I must say it is very accurate when it comes to describing the men I am attracted to......well, except for the pictures they use as a result. That guy on the right is gross. Other than that the percentage figures on very correct!

Exotic bad-ass You scored 60% masculine, 58% athletic, 63% exotic, and 50% refined!

You want everything in a man at the same time! Masculine, built like a Greek god, exotic and mysterious and even some bad-ass in there too. I think you would really like Freddy Ljungberg, the Swedish soccer player. He's the guy on the right. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 58% on masculine You scored higher than 36% on athletic You scored higher than 82% on exotic You scored higher than 52% on refined

Link: The What type of MAN turns you on Test written by thinkandcome on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Well, I am going to be a busy bitch again for the next few days.....no time for blogging or anything else really (not even porn or masturbation!). I will be in "nerd mode" as I like to call it as I study for finals

Fucking Free Food

I would like everyone to know that this week is National Medical Laboratory Professionals Week. For most of my friends and family, what I do for a living is a bit of an enigma. I am generally too lazy to explain what I do for a living because 1. I am sick of my career, and 2. It's just too boring to talk about. However, labs all across the nation use this week to increase public awareness and understanding of clinical laboratory personnel and the integral role they play in the health care team.

In other words it is an excuse to have alot of food everyday and pig out.

I fucking hate it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy free stuff, but I am a fussy eater, even more so now that I don't eat meat. Also, I am not one of those gluttonous pigs who has to eat everything in sight just because it's "free". My coworkers don't understand this though. Of course, the majority of them are obese and on 20 different medications for their cholesterol, diabetes, blood pressure, etc, so this is no real surprise.

I just wish that people would leave me the fuck alone when I politely say "no thanks" to whatever crappy free food is available that day. Free food really brings the worst out of people. My coworkers turn into these scary Nazi-like individuals that interrogate me and use all sorts of pressure tactics to get me to eat the free food with them. "Oh come on! I'll get a plate for you" "You just ate? Nonsense! Eat again, it's free!" "Not even a desert?" "How about you save it for later?" "What do you mean you don't like Vietamese Dog Chowder?".

I have my own food. If there is free food that I genuinely like, of course I will take some, but I am not some fucking psycho fat ass pig who feels compelled to devour an entire box of krispy Kreme or a whole large pizza just because it's "free".

In fact, now that I am ranting, I fucking hate when ANYONE comments on what I eat. I am a fucking 27 year old grown man and if I want to eat nothing but Jelly Beans everyday it's my fucking business and I don't need other people's input. So fuck off.

(jeez, all this talk of food has actually made me hungry now).

Everytime We Touch

The music industry in the US is just strange. Top 40 stations rarely embrace pop/dance songs, and when they do, it's always really bizzare shit, like Cascada's "Everytime We Touch". This song is actually old. It came out in the Summer of 2005 but over the past few months it has become this huge US Top 10. Why? It's so trashy and cheesy. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it for what it is and I certainly enjoy the hi-nrgy tracks on the album when I run on the treadmill, but I laugh everytime I hear this on B96. I mean, B96 plays Nelly, Mary J Blige, Kanye West and then.......CASCADA!. It makes me giggle to think that somewhere in the ghetto of Chicago, LaQuisha and her baby daddy are busting a move to some German white girl.

I hadn't seen the video yet for this song so I checked youtube. Oh dear..........the poor girl has the figure of a football player and performs this song in a LIBRARY! Trash classic indeed! I don't think I will ever be able to enter a library again without voguing for about 5 minutes next to the inex card catalogue in my 5 inch boots.

Beef, it's what's for dinner.

Well, as I begin to embrace my vegetarian lifestyle, I must confess that there is one type of meat I cannot give up...........Beefaroni! Spring time is the perfect time for Beefaroni too. The trashtastic uber gay men's online clothing store, Undergear sends out their new catalogues filled with hot men wearing the gayest, trashiest, and skimpiest underwear and swim wear. Woo hoo! I love getting soft porn in the mail. So I am posting my favorite models this season.

This guy is my favorite so far. I normally don;t like tattoos, but his is quite subtle......oooh, and check out the booty! Yum! He can sit on my face any day of the week!



Awwww...and here he is looking so serious and intelligent!



Uh oh! I see his head!



And after the beach, here he is ready to go to a fierce nightclub. See, he is hot even with clothes! There's more to him than just his body :)=




If you didn't find my Undergear model to be hot, I hope you at least enjoyed laughing at the ridiculous things he had to wear! I would say I can;t believe men actually buy this crap, but that would make me a hypocrite. Lord knows I have some "unique" undergear items in my own closet.

Vegetarian

A few weeks ago I posted about my bad junk food habits. Well, believe it or not, I successfully managed to eliminate the bulk of the crap I was eating from my diet. What's even more shocking (you better sit down kids for this one), I have been to Taco Bell only ONCE in the past MONTH!!!!!

What's so funny is I really don't miss any of the high fat, greasy shit I was eating. I have continued to go to Chipotle, but instead of getting a chicken burrito, I have been getting the vegetarian burrito (NO sour cream, NO cheese). Ironically, one day I thought I would treat myself to a regular chicken burrito and afterwards I physically felt ill! Yuck! I will admit that I have had a candybar here and there, but otherwise I am very proud of my sudden change of eating habits.

Now I am seriously considering taking things to the next level and becoming a vegetarian. I have never been a big fan of meat as it is. In fact, I have NEVER bought raw meat from the store and cooked it at home....EVER! So I think this summer I am going to slowly phase out meat from my diet. I doubt I will become vegan (although I think I am going to try drinking soy milk), but I am going to see how things go.

Are there any vegetarians out there that can give me some tips????

Bored at Work, PART 26.

You know you are bored at work when......

1. You spend 20 minutes surfing the internet learning about the history of "avocados".

2. You read everyone's blog, three times and everytime you go back you hope that there has been an update since the last time you checked 5 minutes ealier.

3. You read all of the "men seeking men" ads on craigslist.

4. After reading all of the m4m ads, you read the "women seeking women" ads on craigslist. (wow, there are some freaky dykes in the city of chicago! lol)

Ok, that's all for now.

"Welcome to prime time, bitch!"

That has to be one of my favorite Nightmare On Elm Street moments ever. Such a simple statement, yet so effective at the same time. Freddy Krueger was fierce. I would have been honored to have a TV-Freddy smash my head through a televison screen.

I do not have horrible nightmares about Freddy. In fact, I rarely have dreams about any movie monster, despite the fact I love horror films. I DO however have a set of recurring dreams that I have been getting for years. Maybe someone can psycho-analyze what they mean.

Bridge Over Troubled Waters



I always dream that I am driving on a bridge over a large body of water when suddenly I lose control of the car and I go flying into the water. It is always at night time and I am always by myself. I can never remember what happens when I hit the water because I usually wake up at that point.

Dude, Where's My Car?



Another disturbing dream I always have is that I park my car for 15 minutes some where in the city, and when I return it is gone. Generally my car has been towed or it has been stolen. In either case I always am overcome with this extreme sense of panic and vulnerability as it becomes more and more evident that my car is gone (as opposed to just having forgot where I parked). I always wake up totally relieved that it was just a dream.

The Devil's Advocate



This is probably the only genuine nightmare I have. Basically, I am in the bathroom getting ready when the lights suddenly turn off and Satan appears in the mirror. He then tries to suck me through the mirror to the "other side". He has never succeeded but I always have to hang on to the toilet or some other fixed object to prevent him from taking me. I always wake up drenched in sweat after that one.


Of course, I do have recurring dreams that are fun, like the sex dreams, but the three I just described seemed to be my most common ones. I dream them about a couple times a month. I hope this doesn't mean I am fucked in the head or something!

Why not me?

Over the years many friends and acquaintances (mostly gay men) have told me that they were molested during their pre-teen years (12ish-14ish). Oddly enough, none of these people seemed bothered by what happened. I suppose at 13 is when a boy's hormones really kick into overdrive, so perhaps a little nooky-nooky with the gym teacher after class was acutally hot. In fact, I knew someone who actually gave his PE teacher blowjobs in exchange for an A in the class.It's digusting stories like this that really make me sick. I mean, it's just so wrong and outrageous! Who do these people think they are!?!?!

How come no one molested me when I was in junior high???????????? Was I too ugly? Was I too skinny? Did I smell? Was it all of the above? Did I have a reputation of being a tattle tale? I guess I will never know, but believe me you that I am forever bitter about this. I feel as though I have been robbed of a vital part of my pre-teenage years that can never be recovered......you know, sort of like not going to a school dance or winning that spelling bee. Why didn't any of my teachers want to rape me? I struggled to get just a B in gym class in 8th grade and now I find out all I had to do was suck a little dick? God, I would have even given up my butt virginity for just a few lousy extra points.

Can We Get Together?

So I got a phone call from Madonna today. Girlfriend tells me "Eddie, can we get together June 15th?" . I was hesistant at first. I normally don't like to make plans with my friends so far in advance, but I figured I could make an exception for Esther. So I said "Gurrrrrllll, just give me a time and a place and I will be there faster than you can say 'Kablablablababble'!" Madge didn't appreciate that comment and proceeded to tell me I was a cold hearted bitch and that I needed to reevaulate my life. But then she realized how much we have in common so she still insisted we "get together" anyways. :)=



I will be there to witness Madonna turn the United Center into one giant disco! I got amazing 2nd level seats right by the stage too! They are even better than the seat I had for Gloria Estefan, and trust me those were good!

Chicago!

Ok, so I have permission from Espelina to copy her post about Chicago...so here i go (although mine isn't as good since I am not a native Chicagoian).

Four Jobs I've Had In My Life in Chicago:
Med Tech at Northwestern Memorial (in the Blood Bank)
Med Tech at St. Mary's (on Western and Division aka Little Puerto Rico)
Med Tech at Hinsdale Hospital (the suburbs count, right?)
Male Escort on Chicago Web Boys

Four Movies Set in Chicago I Could Watch Over And Over:
Adventures in Babysitting
Candyman (one of the scariest movies I have ever seen. If I stayed a night at Cabrini green I would be more worried about Candyman than the gang bangers!)
Mean Girls (this is set in Evanston, so that counts, right? Anyhoo, I am not a fan of these teen movies usually but this was an exception)
Child's Play (the first one only!)

and was Flatliners set in Chicago or am I crazy?


Four Places I've Lived In Chicago:
Lincoln Park (Clark/Diversey)
Boystown (Belmont/Broadway)
West Loop (Madison/Jefferson)
Hopefully there won't be a fourth place for a very long time! i'm sick of moving!

Four Chicago-Themed Shows I Love(d) To Watch:
Married....With Children
Jerry Springer
Webster (that was Chicago right?
Family Matters (I always identified with Steve Urkel as a kid)

Four Places I Would Vacation At In Chicago:
The Hyatt on Wacker
Navy Pier
The Shedd Aquarium (my favorite tourist attraction so far)
Steamworks :)=

Four Chicago-Based Websites I Visit Daily:
Channel 7's traffic report
Quiero Ser Santa
YoNoTePidoLaLuna
Espelina

Four Of My Favorite Foods Found In Chicago:
Las Mañanitas on Halsted (the cheese enchiladas are fierce)
Joy's (the only Thai restaurant I REALLY like...and it's cheap!)
Wrigleyville Taco Bell (all the drunk straight boys are fun to watch after a game)
TGI Fridays on Michigan Ave (really, the service and food is fierce considering it's a chain restaurant)

Four Places In Chicago I Would Rather Be Right Now:
at home (boring but true)I agree with Espelina
at Roscoes with friends on a Sunday (trashy 80's/90's videos rock!)
on Michigan Avenue with someone else's money and/or cradit card :)
Oak Street beach (in summer of course)

Busy Bitch

I am a busy bitch this week. I have plenty of ranting and raving though. I sure need to vent about some things! But there is no time. Ahhhhh!!! :(

Now I know how Whitney felt those few days (or was it just a few hours) in rehab.