Breaking Up With Debbie

With the past two months of my life being unusually stressful, I have found myself looking for comfort in the arms of Debbie. Now you ask, Debbie who? Debbie Gibson? Debbie Harry? Debbie Downer? Debbie Does Dallas? No. None of those Debbies. I am actually referring to my homegirl, Little Debbie.



For just 75 cents this little cunt has brought be so much joy. Fucking bitch. She tastes soooo good that even as I felt my stomach starting to bloat and my clothes tighten, I couldn't stop myself. For the past 2 years I have lived so well eating my low-carb foods and within a month I was throwing it all away with these.....




During my most stressful days I would devour an entire box of nutty bars and if I still had room I would eat TWO chocolate pies with chocolate milk. I would have tried to pull a Paula Abdul and puked the shit up afterwards but after all of these years of , well, doing certain "things", I could shove my fist down my throat and not get a gag reflex. (Hey, don't judge now. You know you're jealous!)

So, it occurred to me that the excess junk food could be contributing to my stress instead of alleviating it. Also, with a trip to Cancun just around the corner I want to make sure my swimsuits still fit. I can't afford new ones in this economy! So I stopped this Little Debbie nonsense and returned to my low-carb lifestyle. After a few days of eating healthy, my Little Debbie cravings finally subsided. Wow, that bitch is like heroin but I am taking it one day at a time because when I am lying in the sun wearing my fierce Dolce & Gabana swimsuit I will be happy that it fits!


Other food related news.......


So last night I met a nice Jewish boy at the gym. He was lusting over me to the point I was worried he would hurt himself on the gym equipment as a result of paying more attention to what I was doing than what he was doing. He was handsome but not really my type. I didn't see any harm in chatting though. He proceeded to invite me over for dinner. He seemed to be a well-mannered, respectful nice young man just starting law school so I accepted. Once again, not my type but during these hard economic times I need to save on my grocery bill so if a nigga is gonna feed me, shiiiiit, I'm gonna get my grub on.

So Jewish boy made a lovely Kosher, low-carb, meat-free meal. It was yummy! He was a total gentleman.........until we finished dinner and sat down to drink tea. Before I could have one sip he pounced on me and had his hands in every nook and crevice. I am by no means an angel, nor am I opposed to go to third base right away (who am I fooling, I rarely even wait for an official date to do that, LOL) however I was just sooooo turned off by the situation. I politely told him to get off of me and that "I don't do these sorts of things with strangers" (I waited for lightning to strike me down for lying but God must have made an exception!). I pried his hands off of me and excused myself. I am not sure if this offended him or if he felt silly for expecting a little too much from a dinner date. I really didn't care. I got free food and my tummy was very happy.

I need to chat with more people from the gym. Maybe I could get invited to dinner every night of the week. I'd never have to go grocery shopping again!

Metropolis

The other day my Milwaukee Sister commented on facebook that he had just seen a "raver". Anyone who grew up in the 90's should remember the bracelets, SUPER wide pants (what was the brand? Jnco?), the lollipops, backpacks worn everywhere, shiny t-shirts.......and "techno" music. I will admit I briefly dabbled in the scene. I had a pair of pants that were probably as wide as 3 of me put togther. Anyhoo, my Milwaukee Sister's comment didn't really get me reminiscing about the horrible 90's club/rave fashions BUT it got me thinking about the first song I ever heard in a club. Some people remember their first concert or their first album they ever bought but I distinctly remember that one summer night in 1997 when I ventured into my first nightclub, Metropolis (granted it was an 18 and over night but I was excited nonetheless) and heard the song in the video above. I remember being mesmerized by the blacklights and neon glow sticks of the dancers. I still was in the closet at the time but I also recall how excited I was to see cute boys dancing around me (it was a straight bar but seeing that it was the only underage place in the city it attracted a very mixed crowd). For whatever reason it had never occcured to me to look up this music video until today, even though I played this song at my birthday party earlier this year.

Oh how I miss the days of Qkumba Zoo and Metropolis. Things were so simple back then. My biggest worry was trying not to trip over my pipe leg jeans as I busted some fierce rave moves on the dance floor! I often wonder what became of some of my old raver friends. Perhaps they are managers at Hot Topic now?

Busy BIATCH!

Things are crazy.......this is my last week of internships.....I graduate in one week.....I've beeen juggling final projects....work...job interviews....ugh!

Well, I am praying to go that this time next week I will be able to say I have a job offer somewhere. This waiting game is killing me...especially since I need to move in one month. I hate waiting to the last minute!

Well, since I have nothing to really blog about I thought I would post two of my favorite foreign commercials from youtube. They are both funny but you have to pay attention to catch the humor :)

Sloth is no longer a sin people!

I scoff at the whoever said "sloth" was one of the 7 deadly sins. Fuck that shit. Sloth does a body good! Normally I push myself everyday to get my work done (whether it be for school or for my activities on the local street corner). Today I had the morning off to finish work on a project that I am presenting later on this afternoon at one of the hospitals I am interning at. Well, I finished the project last night so I thought I would go to the gym instead. I woke up this morning feeling groggy and not very convinced that walking to the gym in the rain would be a good idea. So I slept a little more, ate some breakfast, and then watched some porn.

JUST when I was about to start downloading some new, really good porn....my phone rang! It was a hospital where I had applied at just last night wanting to set up an interview. Either they are desperate or the human resource department is VERY efficient because it is very rare to hear back so quickly from a potential employer (trust me, after applying for 30+ positions I know how this shit works). Ironically this was a hospital that I completely forgot about and while it isn't in the immediate Chicagoland area it is definitely MUCH closer than the other places where I will be having interviews (oops, I guess I never mentioned the other two job interviews becuase they are crummy jobs in shitty areaa....well technically any area other than Chicago or Miami is shitty in my book but the dynamics of my work situation and long term career goals is a bit complicated and I will blog about that later)

So the moral of the story? Had I ventured out in the rain to exercise I would have missed this very important phone call. The next time someone calls you lazy tell that person to go fuck off because Satan and his 7 deadly sins are helping the unemployed of America one person at a time!

Girl Crush

I remember many years ago reading an interview in Vibe magazine (RIP) with some random gangster rapper. When questioned about the violence depicted in some of his songs he replied "You know, sometimes you write a song when you are having a bad day. They screw up your order at McDonald's. Then you find out your car got towed. Then you step in dog shit. At the end of the day you release all that tension by writing a very violent song. It's therapy "

I was in a very shitty mood last night when I wrote my last post but 24 hours later I can say I was simply caught in the moment and blogging about how shitty I felt seemed like the best therapy for me.....although the post probably sounds a bit dramatic! LOL. I will try to keep things light-hearted because what was bothering me yesterday is well, so yesterday!

Today went well at my internship site. I finished working on a big project that turned out so well that the clinical director asked me to come back next month after I graduate to give a formal presentation to the Pharmacy and Therapeutics Committee. I was very flattered! I also have a confesssion......this clinical director is a really hot woman. You would never imagine a pharmacist could be so pretty....and I think I have developed a bit of a "girl crush". I am absolutely smitten! I am sure I won't be turning straight anytime soon but I know most gay guys have a "girl crush" at least once. It's nothing sexual (obviously) but if this woman released a CD I would totally buy it! LOL

I also have another "girl crush" right now but this is a celebrity one.......Nadia Ali! Nadia was the lead singer of the electronic duo iio. They released the worldwide hit "Rapture" back in 2001/2002 and their debut album was delayed for about 4 years. Once the album was finally released it was announced that Nadia was going solo. Since 2006 she has been working on her solo album and has been featured on a few other singles. I am totally infatuated with Nadia. She has such an exotic beauty and singing style you normally don't hear in dance music. I have posted the video of "Rapture" above and the video for "Love Story" from her upcoming solo album (September 15th is the release date according to Wikipedia) down below. The latest single "Fine Print" has just been released this month on iTunes. I love the lyrics! Nadia is writes most of her own music and avoids the usual dance music lyrical cliches that seem to plague most other female singers.



"Fine Print"

Ive been holding back

Youre like a moving star
I cant get close enough to you
Been months I got your call
Our falling out we slipped right into

You were an ace for me
My crazy heart got hold of you
Your hand called every bluff
I had to fold and let it go

Since I saw you last
Ive been holding back
I figured I should do just that
I thought Id crack but I smiled instead
Ill let you read the fine print

I walk a line between
The thoughts of now
And where Ive been
Today the grass is green
Ive got it all, so why reminisce

Im just a mermaid
Who is not content with waveless oceans
Sometimes a gusty wind
Is what I need to feel again

Since I saw you last
Ive been holding back
I figured I should do just that
I thought Id crack but I smiled instead
Ill let you read the fine print

Read between the lines
For what got left behind
But I cant say, I hold it down
The weight of seeing you now

Ive been holding back

Ive been holding back
I thought Id crack I thought
Ive been hold
I thought Id crack but I smile instead
Ill let you read the fine print

Runaway....or running towards...

I will not deny that the past two months I have been in a shitty mood. I thought it had to do with wanting to finish school and find a job. Something tonight made me realize this anxious feeling has very little to do with any of that.

I want to runaway. I am looking at so many people and situations around me and I realize there are very few genuine faces in the crowd. My life here in Chicago has become a joke and I have no one to blame but myself for allowing it to happen. Am I too nice? Am I not nice enough? Am I naive? Am I just stupid? Should I even fucking care anymore? Perhaps this is why I find such great comfort keeping busy with school. I am working toward something productive with a positive outcome. I truly regret the time and energy I have spent on so many other things and people.

So....I'm over it. However, I don't think I should say that I am running away from this mess since I don't think that will solve anything. If anything, I should probably say that I am runing towards SOMETHING that will hopefully be better....or at least allow me a fresh start.

I won't forget anything that has happened in the past 7 years. That would be foolish of me. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes again once I start my new chapter.

I got my education!

I got my education but I'm still working on that job part! LOL

Not many updates here. Two more weeks left of school and I most definitely feel the pressure to find a job. Time is running out. I need to be out of my apartment in 45 days. Where am I moving? Who the fuck knows! lol. I have had only one phone interview so far and that has lead to a in-person interview September 1st. I have one other potential interview in the process but other than...nothing! At this point I don't care where the job is or if it is for a company I really wouldn't want to work for. Just give a paycheck for the next 9 months so I can pay off debt before I start my post-graduate training.

So the next two weeks I am hella busy finishing projects and also picking up extra hours at my current job so I have some extra funds to hold me over until October.

This next month is going to be very interesting, that's for sure. I am 99% sure that I am not staying in Chicago but where I will end up this winter is yet to be determined!

I desire.

I desire a MAN whose stength is measured not by his biceps but by his ability to endure both the good and bad times.

I desire a MAN whose self-worth and happiness is not determined by being in a relationship. He should already be complete as one. My companionship only augments the happiness as each day passes.

I desire a MAN who doesn't believe in love at first sight because love, trust and monogamy are components of a process that continues until death do us part. Real love is not associated with a fleeting moment in time. Those who fall in love quickly tend to fall out of love just as easily.

I desire a MAN who isn't afraid to express his thoughts, opinions and feelings. Nor is he afraid to ask the same of me. He can do both of these without ever sounding whiny or bitchy.

I desire a MAN who will miss me when I leave but will not lose his own identity during my absence.

I desire a MAN who celebrates our similarities and differences alike because both are what will keep us together inevitably.

I desire PERFECTION, not because I believe in setting unrealistic expectations but perfection is sujective much like happiness. My happiness is not something I am willing to compromise.

I DESIRE love beyond all thought and reason.

The Pseudo Breakup

I am going to interrupt my string of rants this week about annoying people to update the status of my "pseudo relationship". Well, I was wondering how one goes about a pseudo-break up and I found out today first hand. The experience was rather strange. It was everything I expected to be yet everything about it surprised me. Afterwards I was left wondering if I did the right thing. Or did I make a big mistake? Do I only know what I had now that it is gone? Did I ever really care at all? Would I have cared if things were different? Will Dannii Minogue ever record another album?

So many questions and I am not sure if they are circling my mind because a practical and organized person like myself doesn't like when plans don't go as anticipated or if there is something else bothering me.

Ultimately though the decision has been made and I can't dwell on the outcome, good or bad. I have to chalk this up as a life experience and make sure that the only quaestion left circling my mind when I go to bed tonight is, as Miss Jody Wately so eloquently puts it, "how will I use the knowledge for the next chapter?"

The Angry Ethnic

So my last post gave me the idea to have a few more posts this week about people (or persons) that fucking annoy me. The other day it was the old door man that pisses me off everytime I come home with my grocery bags. This time I need to bitch about The Angry Ethnic.

I will admit that racism and discrimination is alive and well in this country. I will also admit non-caucasians probably have to struggle a bit harder than caucasians in CERTAIN parts of the country. But in huge cities like Chicago, minorities have the upperhand. Nevertheless there is always that one Angry Ethnic who needs to be uber dramatic and act like some imaginary person is opressing him.

Case in point: Last year I met this mexican-american guy online. We never met in person because he was butt ugly and totally not my type but I added him to my Yahoo messenger and we chatted every now and then. Well, he had moved here from New York and all he ever did was bitch about Chicago. According to him, Chicago is only a good city if you are white or asian. Latinos have no future here. They are mistreated, bla bla bla....I never see any brown faces at my work..... bla bla bla bla....they only want mexicans to clean floors....bla bla bla.

Yet apparently New York was some sort of ethnic utopia where no Mexicans did service jobs. Only the white folk did that and hispanics were doctors, lawyers and dentists. I really didn't know how to respond to his ranting. He would also go off on tangents about how he can't find any friends in Chicago because people here are "fake" and that he can't find a boyfriend because all the gay men are "bitchy queens". I personally thought his problem was the fact he was a whiny Debbie Downer, but hey, what do I know?

I tried to point out that his ideas of Chicago were slight misconceptions. Coming from Wisconsin I can definitely say the Latino presence in the Chicagoland area extends far beyond service jobs. If there was a nuclear holocaust all the Mexicans in the city would probably be the first to show up and put the city back together (and sell some elotes in the process!).

Well, my Mexican Debbie Downer friend from yahoo eventually did make it back to New York. Lucky him. I happened to be on Yahoo messenger the other day after not having used it in many months. Of course, he was there. I was surprised to see him online during the day on the weekend because surely he should have 1,000 new Latino lawyer friends in Manhattan by now that he could do something with, right?

Or maybe the Angry Ethnic syndrome can't be cured with a simple change in geographic location.

Stop Looking At Me!

Have you ever disliked someone for no apparent reason except that their simple existence was enough to irk the fuck out of you?

There are four door-men that work in my appartment building. One is Pakastani and is a very nice. Most of the time he is too busy chatting on his cell phone to bother with much small talk. He's kind of like a cab driver I guess except he spends his job sitting at a desk instead of behind a wheel. The second guy is an older gentleman. He is nice too. I have yet to figure out if he speaks english. He either addresses everyone in his native tongue or his accent is so thick his "english" isn't inteligible. Either way I just smile and he leaves me alone. The third guy is a chubby guy that looks like a Metallica reject. Once again, nice guy and doesn't get on my nerves.

BUT, the fourth door man is an elderly man that fucking pisses me off. I am not sure if it is just him or the fact 90% of the elderly population irk the fuck out of me. All of the old ladies in the building adore this man. He seems well liked by the building management too. I try to avoid him at all costs. Once he gets talking he never shuts up BUT the thing I hate the most is the way he looks at me. Everytime I am coming or going he looks at me like he has never seen a human being enter or leave the apartment building. This especially annoys me when I am coming back from the grocery store and my hands are filled with bags. He stares at me so intently as if he senile old brain is working extra hard to decipher the sight before him. I didn't realize a person with grocery bags could confuse an elderly man so easily.

So maybe I sound liek a cranky weirdo for disliking the old door man that everyone else seems to love but I don't care! Stop looking at me damn it!

Another Chapter

This past weekend I had a blast at Market Days with my MIlwaukee Sister and Rob. I managed to get trashed without experiencing a hangover the next day! Lucky me! What made the day especially delightful was my chance to see Miss Jody Watley perform live. I met her a few years ago but this was my first time seeing her perform a complete set list.

Jody Watley is one of those singers I grew up listening to as a kid. She's also one of the few singers that has evolved and continues to inspire me with her music now as an adult. I have always admired Jody because as her mainstream appeal dissipated in the late 90's she continued with her muscial vision and started her own record company. Her musical direction also took a drastic turn as she began to explore drum and bass, trip hop and disco. This past weekend I was reminded of her first venture into this underground/afterhours lounge sound. in 1999 she released a very limited edition album in Japan that I have treasured ever since I stumbled across it one lucky day in a music store many years ago. I have felt like my life has been in such a state of distress and disequilibrium that I really feel like I have just been going through the motions. As Jody puts it, I have been living in the past and fearing the future.....which really isn't living at all. Well, I am ashamed to admit that I forgot that sometimes the best therapy is right there on my cd shelf (or in my iTunes library lol). "Another Chapter" is exactly how I need to approach things right now. Thank you Miss Jody Watley!